Here’s how silence can be your best-friend.

These past two years have been really hard on me.
They’ve been hard on a lot of people.
I recognize that.

Everyone is dealing with something right now.
Its tough.
But if there was something I definitely coped with was loneliness.

Now I say that as if its a bad thing, and at the time it really was. 
I felt hollow inside, empty, numb. I guess that was the defense mechanism that kept me on my feet for an entire year.

When I snapped out of it I realized something was terribly wrong.

One morning i wake up to a house that echoed the sound of my footsteps, i went into my little brothers room who was on his bed staring at the wall eating bread. How random is that!
The house was silent, the only thing i heard was the clock ticking and it hit me.

I was so scared of it. 
Every morning i woke up to a house full of life, fights, tantrums, kitchen stuff, breakfast running around looking for socks.
And then all of a sudden. SILENCE.

That kind of thing really does something to you.
I struggled with it for another year and Im not gonna take you into that..

“Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery. I quit such odious subjects as soon as I can”

But, I learned to not only survive but to actually enjoy the silence. I got so used to it that talking seemed like a chore to me. Half the time I knew I wasn't gonna say anything useful but the other half of me just couldn’t be bothered. I didn't expect people to understand so I kept things to myself and somewhere along the way i learned that it was actually helping my situation. I wasn't lonely anymore, I am happy.

Here are the three most important things that helped me.

Observation

I paid attention to my surroundings, i saw everything. I noticed how the birds sat outside my window and how the pen sounded as i wrote in my diary, i noticed my dads footsteps and the sound of my own breathing. 
I like people, I notice tiny details like how they smile and how their eyes change texture and even when they get mad or hurt. Thats why I’m sensitive I guess. I feel too much.

So, when im the middle of this really amazing observation mode thing going in my head and someone decides to come talk to me i feel very bothered. I want to pay attention to things they dont see but they’d rather talk.

If your lonely and you think it’s awful i want you to try this.

Its addicting.

Freedom

Not only do you have the freedom to do things like rearranging your furniture, decorating your room, playing music and dancing without any judgement from anyone, staying up reading book until 3am or falling asleep to silence at 7pm. I did all these thing in abundance! I was living in my own little bubble and I loved it.

you have the freedom to think! 
now we’re all so mesmerized by the idea of sharing our thoughts but think about it. Nobody lives in your head so they dont know what kind crazy imagination you are capable of!
and even when you put it all into words you dont get the full impact.

the joke was funnier in your head wasn't it?

Yeah, same.

Respect it

I hated it for months,
I told myself it wasn't me, I was always the loud opinionated girl who had a load of friends! 
I had no problem talking to people.
but when I started accepting it I became more and more comfortable.

and if there is one thing you need to realize, which by the way i did too.

In a world full of noise, you’ve been given a quiet retreat.

People will be here one day or another, you will not always be alone. 
Yeah, your alone right now and in your head you think it sucks but trust me.
You will have people around you again one day and they may or may not drain you of the you that you are right now.
And you will miss yourself!

Do people really make you happy?

You need to respect the silence, staying quiet is an art.
And when you dont have anyone to talk to you can create!
Work on things, paint or draw or write.
And you wont even have to show it to anyone! ❤
Happy days.

your still reading this, thank you ❤
I hope it helps you in someway.
have a great day. :)

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