Not to sound like an angsty teenager but

I’m not sure where my life is headed.

Isn’t it scary that I’ve spent years and years (basically, all of the years of my life so far) trying to find an answer to that open ended question, the one we’ve been asked since we were old enough to hold plastic stethoscopes and hold court over our stuffed animals, and I don’t really have an answer.

What do you want to do with your life?

24 years later and I still don’t have an answer.

My friends and I, we’ve been groomed for this. “Get good grades, get into a good school, get a good job.” But then what? Live happily ever? Where was my training for that?

My future plans fell through. I’m not sure if maybe that’s a blessing in disguise. Now I can do all kinds of things! I have no commitments, minimal financial responsibilities, I’m young, the world is my oyster!

But what about the plan? I feel like my tether has been cut and I’m now floating through space, the station getting smaller and smaller. And even all those points about my relatively carefree existence are just tumbling around in my head and I can’t get them to focus, to come together and tell me what I want.

I’ve been trained to execute the plan. But, I’m having difficulty now without said plan and I can’t help but think that up until this point I’ve been going about this all wrong.

Why does there always have to be an end goal?

Why do you have to always be working towards something, even if we don’t know what that something is?

It’s hard and uncomfortable, but I’ve got to re-train myself. I want to be easy going, I want to live in the moment, I want to experience life slowly as it washes over me.

New goal? Have no goals.

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