Masculinity and Femininity Are Not an Action
A short article on positive gender-expression and non-conformity

A well discussed topic amongst feminists is the idea of “toxic masculinity”, the idea of male gender conformity pressuring men to be valued in totality of how “manly” they are, and the enablement of their mistreatment of women. Logically the adjective’s existence dictates there must be such a thing as “non-toxic masculinity”, a suggestion that manly things are still acceptable to do if they do not come with that conformity and misogyny. Examples of non-toxic masculinity (or wholesome masculinity) often considered are such things as fatherhood, male body positivity, or certain areas of craftsmanship. Some, however, question whether or not these actions should be considered masculine at all, as these tasks are not an inherent thing that only men can do. I agree with this idea, not for equality’s sake, but because gender is irrelevant to it. While non-toxic masculinity and femininity exists, there’s no such thing as a “manly thing” or “womanly thing”. There is no masculine or feminine action, masculinity and femininity are a reaction.
To explain, let’s pose a hypothetical example using an action stereotypically perceived as masculine; body-building, with two people performing it. We’ll call the first person Ashley and the other Joey and consider that generally neither of them upholds a toxic idea of masculinity or femininity. Ashley performs a workout routine with the intent of building up their muscles over a course of time. As their muscles develop, Ashley gains enjoyment from their new looks, preferring them more than how they looked prior to the routine. Ashley considers themselves to feel “like Superman” in their new might, like a bold strongman, and they feel masculine in a positive way. Joey performs the exact same routine as Ashley, again enjoying their new looks. However, unlike Ashley, Joey instead feels more “like Wonder Woman” in their new strength, like a fierce Amazon, and they feel feminine in a positive way. The same action has posed a different reaction in the two people, one of which even being against the traditional conception of body-building.
As both men and women can be physically strong, so too can they both feel good about gaining said strength. Ashley and Joey in their desire to build muscles have both felt positive from their gains, and also expressed a positive but differently gendered feeling in their identity. The same can be done for those of non-binary genders or even a lack of gender, they can gain a positive (or negative) effect from an action that makes them feel more (or less) like the identity they desire.
In short, the action is gender-neutral but the reaction can be gendered, should the person wish.
The idea of feeling masculine, feminine, or of a different gender should not in themselves be considered good or bad, it is about the feeling of getting closer or further away from who you are. Toxicity comes into play when conformity does; as someone assigned male at birth for example you must do things considered manly, or the things that make you feel manly. If you do not, you will lose value as a person. This is a fallacy, whether someone imposes that conformity on you, or you do it to yourself.
