If I Don’t Post This, I Never Will
It was hard coming back to writing after not having done it in years. I lost motivation after high school because I didn’t have readers anymore. I never found the courage to continue to post my stories online and even when I did, I felt as if I couldn’t find an audience. Then there was that feeling of devastation when somebody reviewed my stories with a critical eye. It was all in favor of me getting better, but I took those attacks personally. I never improved, or at least that’s what I thought. I also thought my skin grew thicker, though that wasn’t the case as I didn’t return.
Writer’s block has been winning every year. It’s funny that I’m able to communicate better through writing and yet I can’t write a single thing about my feelings. I’m a blabbering mess when I speak and I’m too reserved when I type. I think too much about what I want to write and in the end, I don’t write at all. So I might as well give in to my overflowing thoughts and set them free.
Fact: I’ve written many of these before, but none of them have come to fruition.
I overthink everything. Being on the internet for so long, it made me wonder about all the negative reactions I’ll receive. I wring my heart out and once I’m done, my brain kicks me in my stomach. “Don’t put this on the internet. People will know that you’re weak and they’ll use it against you. If you really want to put it out there, then do it indirectly.”
That’s where my stories come along.
Although I know you’ve never seen my stories, I’ll tell you the recurring theme with my characters. They all come from a broken family. To be more specific, they’re characters from my “young adults” stories. Fantasy is a different field and I keep those away from my problems. An example from Eden’s Apple. Eden used to with her aunt and uncle who didn’t care much for her well-being, neither did they care about the fact that their daughter bullied her every single day. Maya has an estranged father due to his drug habit. Amy doesn’t get along with her mom as she doesn’t believe in her “problems.” All three characters are friends who help each other throughout the course of the novel.
Hell, even my friend of six years come from a broken family and we’ve bonded over that.
Directly, I can complain all I want about my family, but I’ll never tell you about how I’ve been hurt by them. It’s easier to show anger because it’s better than being pathetic.
I don’t know what was the point of this. This is what happens when I let my mind take over. It’s all over the place and I have to pick up the pieces and organize it later. However, I’m not going to be doing that because this will never get published if I did.
I’m planning on writing a story for fun and getting out more of “this.” I want to lay you down gently and not simply drop you on the ground. I’m also terrible at metaphors. Thank you for reading this.
