Don’t Give Up… Please

Today I woke up and it was the 28th of April.

I opened my laptop, started on the mountain of assignments I had to tackle.

One by one I plodded through each of the tasks.

I looked at the time, it was 4 p.m. I had been up since 10 a.m.

I decided now would be a good a time as any to shower and grab something to eat. So I did that.

After I bonded with my roommates for maybe 30 minutes, I retired to my room. I opened my word document and typed tirelessly away until I could conjure up nothing more than a few prepositions at a time.

That to me was a sign to take a break, a Netflix break maybe?

I watched Season 2, episode 8 of American Horror Story. And then episode 9.

Thirty-seven minutes in, my obligations started to blur my vision. I consequently returned to my word document.

Page 6 of 10.” I resumed my seemingly endless academic journey.

These assignments are due on the 30th. I'm completing them all tonight. On the 28th. I’m a good student. I’m going to be okay. I’m a good student… I’m going to be okay.

I look at the bottom right of my screen to check the time for maybe the second time today…and I see the date.

It’s April 29,2017. It’s April 29th??…and all of this is due tomorrow?! I am not really going to finish this tonight. I was just speaking affirmative nonsense to keep myself motivated!

And in that moment… I just wanted to stop. I wanted it all to stop. I wanted life, to just STOP.

“I can’t do this anymore,”I pleaded.
“My mom will understand,” I rationalized. “I’ve done so much already. I can just stop now.”

I was so ready to just stop everything and give up. And then realized,

It’s 3:04 a.m. on Friday night going into Saturday morning.

LOOK AT GOD. There is hope yet! To whoever reads this I say, I am here for you, Don’t give up.

And to myself I say, Onward and Upward. Finals week! Here I come!