Don’t expect others to do the things you haven’t made the effort to do for yourself.
Most of us get disappointed when our expectations are not met.
We thought someone would be something, do something — and they didn’t come through, and naturally we become disappointed.
But if you are going to be successful, the important thing is not to expect anything from anyone that you are not willing to do for yourself.
Here are nine things that you must let go if you are going to succeed.
Don’t expect people to agree every time you speak.
If you’re the type of person who wants people to agree with everything you say every time you speak…be ready to experience a lot of disappointment. Most people have their own thoughts and opinions, and expecting them to consistently agree with yours is unrealistic. Do what you can to persuade them with data, research, and facts, but don’t assume they will, or should, always agree.
Don’t expect others to acknowledge you when you berate yourself.
You can’t expect others to treat you as worthy when you don’t treat yourself that way. We all make mistakes, we all have struggles, and we all have regrets. But you are not the mistake, you are not your struggles; you are here now with the power and the determination to shape your life. Acknowledge yourself and see your own strength — then you can begin to expect others to pick up on it.
Don’t expect others to respect you when you don’t respect yourself.
Respect starts from within, so if you wish to be respected, you have to do what it takes to respect yourself — that is, living in a way that demonstrates self-respect. Would you speak to a respected friend the way you speak to yourself? Your treatment of yourself sets the standards for how others will treat you.
Don’t expect others to tell you what to do when you have no idea what you want.
If you’re going to live an authentic life and follow your own inner compass, you can’t expect someone else to tell you what you want. The desire and the passion must first come from you. You have to let go of passivity and back up your own ideas so you can figure out what you want and why you want it. Nobody else can do that work for you
Don’t expect others to stay when they’re ready to go.
Some people will come into your life and stay, but many more will come and go — and you have to know how to let go of those who no longer want to be there. It’s the ones who stay, the ones who stand beside you in good times and bad, who are important in your life. And there will even be times you have to stand on your own — not a fun experience, but one that will teach you resilience and strength. Often, the happy ending is simply letting go.
Don’t expect others to know what you’re thinking when you know yourself.
You can’t expect anyone else to understand what you’re thinking if you can’t articulate your thoughts. Understanding our own thoughts is more important than seeking the opinion of others. Start by being honest with yourself — about what you think, what you feel, what you want. Then you can start communicating that to others.
Don’t expect others to fix things when you can’t find solutions for yourself.
It’s OK not to know how to fix something. What’s not OK is blaming others for being unable to fix it. When you blame others, you don’t give yourself room to build your own abilities. When you expect them to fix things, you are handing over your power.
Don’t expect others to make you a priority when you haven’t made yourself important.
If you don’t value yourself and stick up for yourself, you’re not only severely sabotaging yourself but also sending a message that you’re not worth the trouble, even to yourself. Treat yourself as though you matter, and others will follow suit.
Don’t expect others to forgive you when you don’t forgive yourself.
If you’re busy waiting for others to forgive you but you haven’t yet forgiven yourself, learn to forgive yourself and two wonderful things will happen: others will learn to forgive you, and you’ll learn to forgive others.
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Lolly Daskal is the founder of Lead from Within, a global leadership, executive coaching, and business consulting firm. You can connect with her on Twitter, Linkedin, Facebook and Google+ She is the author of the new leadership book THE LEADERSHIP GAP: What gets between you and your greatness. May 2017
Originally published on Inc.com