So What’s This Like?
Anyone who knows me will know I like my metaphors. They help me form meaning in my own life and help me develop understanding about where I’m at. I like to see the signs and symbols to help me keep believing and trusting I’m on course. The Land of Milk and Honey for instance is all wrapped up in the symbolism of the honey bees, the Wizard of Oz and perhaps a little Charlie and the Chocolate factory for good luck. Yes, welcome to my world. So right now, I’m wondering if I’m a Queen Bee, who’s lost her colony and needs to send her pheromones out of the hive to attract her tribe back or Dorothy just setting out on her yellow brick road, a little scared and afraid, not knowing her companions are just around the corner, wondering will she ever find her way home. I could even be Verruca Salt, too impatient to wait for the golden goose to come and expecting it all right now!
Last night fairy Godmother Glinda, aka Ellie, Ninja Fairy Grandmother Energy Master, assured me the outlook was rosy with her I Ching; Earth on Earth she said, very fertile. She said keep a diary of this journey, it’s important. I might do it by blog I said. Ok, so that might mean some public declaration of vulnerability - eek! Its not all perfect and shiny- aggrrr! Lions, Tigers and Bears — oh my! You see I know I’m the product, people I trust have told me this and I believe them; a very good product they say and remarkably I believe that too. On a good day, I’m Willy Wonka softly singing ‘Come with me and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination’ and to be fair most days are good days, these days! I’m in my own Land of Milk and Honey I declare, my heart is bursting full of love, I don’t need to be or do anymore than this! Hang on though, emm I need some customers, pay the bills and all that! But still I choose to hide, to keep all my wonderful creativity and joyfulness to myself. I’m not hiding I say, look I’ve just spent months making this beautiful website, and there’s a sign saying ‘open’ in the alleyway. Oh but it isn’t perfect.What I need to go outside and tell people about it?
Then I feel a subtle sense of shame in telling people, I live in hope of someone else doing that for me, but deep down I know that won’t happen because it really is time for that shame to go, to move on and guess what, I’m on my Jack Jones with that one — down to me. A new pattern ready to emerge. The only way through this, is to carry on, excruciating as it is, putting myself out there; just doing it.
And on those days when it really isn’t possible to walk forward and meet that shame, eyes wide open, with a battle cry of ‘come on then’; it’s knowing it’s OK just to rest and say ‘I am Enough’. Today, might just be one of those days as I sit here alone at the keyboard, knowing there’s lots of people milling around out there; chances are a good few of them could just do with some tender, loving attention and healing; someone to listen and soothe all manner of aches and pains. Someone else walking the path of the gentle sensitive, who needs to hear those words ‘you are beautiful just as you are and you are enough’. So there’s no turning back, resting yes, but no ‘U’ turns.
Hang on, is that someone at the door? Hello, good to see you, welcome, put your feet up, let me make you a brew and you can tell me all about it…..Sometimes there’s no escaping a destiny, no matter what obstacles you try and put in your own way and those feelings of fear, loneliness they too shall pass like clouds in the sky. The light wasn’t that far away when I fully accepted the dark. On this sunny yellow path of bricks or pollen, there will always be some ahead and some behind, walking the same path, searching for the same thing, sometimes alone, sometimes together, but never separate. Come on then…..