Sofia the First, a Terrifying Dystopia In a Pretty Dress

Becoming a father is a thrilling experience. There are so many new things to learn and disgusting things to see. I’m not just referring to diapers that can’t contain the atrocities my daughter produces, but the cartoons directed towards children. Because I have a little princess of my own, I decided that we would watch Sofia the First together.

For those of you that are blessedly unfamiliar with the show let me explain the plot. Sofia is a young girl living in a village in the beautiful kingdom of Enchancia, when one day her mother marries King Roland II and she becomes a princess. From the show’s theme song, “I was a girl in the village doin’ alright, then I became a princess overnight.”

People move fast in Enchancia, apparently Sofia didn’t know about her mother’s secret relationship with the king. The show never addresses what happened to Sofia’s absentee father or the king’s wife, but in a world full of magic anything is possible. So now we watch Sofia, a simple, lovely, caring girl forced into a life she doesn’t quite understand with some of the worst people imaginable. King Roland didn’t just bring wealth to the marriage, but two children, James and Amber. James is a fun loving simpleton and Amber is the epitome of class, sophistication and being a terrible human being. Sofia has to learn how to fit in at The First…