If Adam Driver Sees This And Wants To Hang, That’d Be Cool

I’m not suggesting that Adam Driver wants to hang out. That’d be ludicrous. He’s probably busy filming the next Star Wars movie. I wouldn’t know. I didn’t check, because I respect his privacy.

These? These could be drawings of anyone.

I wouldn’t further suggest that Adam Driver needs more friends. He seems like an affable and gregarious young man who needs no help making or keeping friends.

Additionally, Adam Driver is likely the type of person who enjoys his alone time. I’m not in any way suggesting that I would like to intrude on that. If his preferred method of relaxation is a comfortable chair, a good book, and a glass of wine, then that’s fine with me. Not that I think it’s any of my business anyway.

I’m not at all imagining a situation where he reads this and becomes intrigued with the writer of this article (who liked him in Girls before she liked him in Star Wars) and finds himself flattered. I am in no way suggesting that he’d reach out to meet me because he too wants to play Katamari and make personal pan pizzas. That’d be silly. He’s famous, and probably very busy.

This is not, in any way, an entreaty to see if he wants to wake up early and grab brunch. It doesn’t matter to me if he wants to go to the Mall of America “just to walk around” but then ends up buying us matching sweaters that are on sale. I don’t need to know his secret recipe for whatever makes his hair so full and lustrous.

Sea salt spray, cucumber water, and something a witch sold him.

I’m not at all eager to wrap up our perfect day walking around Lake Harriet and chatting like old friends as the sky turns pink and the wind whips our hair. I could care less if we tell each other secrets and reveal to each other how our difficult childhoods shaped who we are as artists.

I don’t need him to gaze down at me from his 6’2” vantage point and say, “Lauren, you are worthwhile. Your fears and concerns are all valid. You’re smarter than most and your modest beauty inspires me to sing”.

It’s not like he would then sing Beautiful by Christina Aguilera as a crowd gathers, his voice clearing my blemishes and curing my allergies. We’re not friends so he wouldn’t gaze meaningfully down at me as midnight strikes and his body begins to float off the ground. And I wouldn’t be sad as he departed back into the clouds where he lives with the other celebrities.

I’m not in any way inviting him to share that day with me, because I don’t know him.

So yeah…

No big deal.

I’m just saying that I have Fridays off.