I’m sorry you feel that way. I can remember times in my life when I could totally relate, and didn’t want to wake up to another day either. I am grateful that I found help and healing by seeking an EMDR therapist. She literally saved my life.
Being bullied and victimized often creates trauma that colors how we see the world. By healing the trauma, we are better able to see and experience the positive.
We can’t control others’ actions, judgments, behaviors or anything else. They may still choose to treat us poorly. BUT, we can release the amount of THEIR crap WE carry.
As I have learned more about bullying, it’s interesting to realize that bullies suffer from exactly the same underlying issue that their victims do: a poor self-esteem. When we realize that the bully is projecting their OWN self-view onto us, we can minimize their impact on us.
I hope you seek the help and support you truly deserve. I have a feeling that your experiences could one day serve to help others, but first, I hope you help yourself.
In most communities, there are sliding scale therapists available, if money is an issue. I haven’t tried it, but I’m also seeing more about online counseling as well.
My heart goes out to you. You’re definitely not alone! Take really good care of yourself… you’re worth it.