There’s no picture of us together on this special day because I haven’t seen you or spoken to you in years, but I’ll never forget all the years you’ve been in my life.
The first time I felt you move inside me was a Christmas. It helped me realize just how much of a gift you were regardless of how challenging our lives were at the time. We were broke, struggling and little did we know that worse was coming. But we had a home. We were all excited for your arrival… me, your dad, your big brother, Nana, Grammy… your whole family was ready to embrace you.
You arrived around 6am. Nana brought your brother to the hospital to meet you. He wouldn’t allow Nana to hold you because you were “his baby.” We wanted the two of you to bond and for him to know he was still just as precious to us. We knew the time an attention an infant would need would change the amount of time and attention he’d get, and that it could make things difficult. So, we encouraged the bonding.
For quite a long time, if you were upset, he would sing to you and it was the only thing that could get you to calm down. If he was upset, spending time with you would help him calm down. It was beautiful to see and I hoped it’d last.
There are so many memories rushing through my head…. it’s hard to keep up with them all…. but it’s the simple things like the light in your eyes, the smile on your face, the delight in your whole being whenever you were playing and having fun or discovering something new…. you falling asleep in my arms or against my shoulder… being there when you had night terrors and getting you back to sleep… walking you to school and talking about life, friends, and how much you deserved to be treated well… seeing you get into running and how amazing you were… being able to coach your basketball team and play with you… and even though you hated my being there, seeing you compete in the Dragon Boat races… all of these memories and more will always be with me…. even the times we fought and you were mad at me, I have loved you…
I still love you.
I will always love you.
Even if you choose to never see me or speak to me again… I will still be loving you.
Happy birthday, bug. May this year and every year be full of memories you cherish.