Double date night
So I’ve confirmed my date for tomorrow night, as well as my partner’s date, which I scheduled for him. Now I hope that no one will cancel!
There’s also the possibility that my date with my friend, Ethan, will become a threesome and his partner, Eliza, will be there, too, which would be lovely.
The last time I saw them we had a sweet, cuddly time catching up with each other and then had some very hot sex, an encounter during which I came the most I recall ever doing so without a long-term partner of mine there. This happened in part because Ethan told Eliza to fist me, and so she did and that went very well.
I’m also looking forward to setting up another date for myself with my partner’s date, Nina, with whom I had a wonderful, connected, sexy date some weeks ago. This followed a date between her, me, and my partner, some weeks before that.
I have some slight anxiety about my partner’s first date one-on-one with her. They haven’t yet fucked. I’m a little nervous about them doing so, and I very much want them to get it over with, for me to get over my fear really of nothing. I get tired of my anticipation of something scary happening. And I’m taking good care of myself by making sure that I’ll be distracted and well taken care of, even though I’d likely be fine home alone, too.
Yes, I know, I arranged their date. That’s in part because my partner’s strengths are not in scheduling. It’s in other things, like making a delicious dinner for the two of us this evening. And he has been stressed out lately and I know that he could use some socializing, some fun, some attention. And I want him to be happy, for him, for me, for us. I know that he comes back home to me better from a date with another woman, with more energy and vitality, with more juice for me.
I’m trying to learn to move beyond my fear that if my partner flirts with, gives attention to, connects with, fucks another woman that he will leave me or simply turn his attention elsewhere, to throw away away my fears that my partner’s love and attention is limited and in short supply, that I’m not enough, that I’m not attractive enough for his handsomeness, that I’m not exciting enough, that I’m not something. I’m trying to move beyond feeling that other women are competition, even though I don’t feel that way about my partner connecting with men. I will learn to believe that I am enough just as I am. For me. For him. He says I am. I should believe him. I know that I am a sexy, benevolent goddess and I need not to forget that.
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Lori Rochelle Roniger is a counselor, writer, and journalist living in the San Francisco Bay Area. She’s available for counseling in real life and online about nonmonogamy, relationships, dating, sexuality, and other topics. You can reach her at LoriRochelle5000@gmail.com.
