The Quiet Hours
For years, I believed that my corporate job was holding me back from doing what I love. I thought that quitting my job and becoming a stay-at-home mom would solve all of my “I don’t have enough time” problems and give me the freedom to work on my favorite creative pastime: writing.
If only I didn’t have to spend so much time commuting back and forth for work, I would say to myself, then maybe I would have a lot more time to write.
Well, it turns out my theory was completely and totally WRONG.
I’m currently on maternity leave from my corporate job —which is kind of like having a temporary stay-at-home mom pass —and I discovered that I actually have less free time now than I did when I was working my full-time job.
As a (temporary) stay-at-home mom of three boys —a 7-year-old, 2-year-old and 1-month-old —my days are packed with kid stuff. My 7-year-old gets home from school at 3:00 PM and has a full schedule of his own when he arrives. My 2-year-old is in that “I refuse to take a nap” phase, so I’ve given up trying to do anything while he naps. And the new baby, well, he pretty much runs the show because he’s always in need of something.
Prior to having baby #3, our family had a routine. I didn’t always love that routine, but at least I had an idea of what each day was going to bring. Everyone got up at a certain time. Everyone left for school or work at a certain time. Everyone arrived home at a certain time. Everyone ate dinner, took a bath and went to bed at a certain time. And once everyone was safely tucked in their beds for the night, I was free to work on my own creative projects.
Now that I have three little ones, everything has changed. Since I’m breastfeeding the baby, I have to be available, on demand, at anytime during the day or night. I’m exhausted from the lack of sleep and from not knowing what time the baby is going to eat, sleep or poop. Without some sort of schedule or routine, it’s hard for me to set aside time to write.
There must be a way though.
I know so many other women who are doing what I’m doing and then some, so there must be a way to find the time to do what I love.
And then it dawned on me.
I spend an average of two hours in the middle of the night nursing my 1-month-old. While I’m nursing him, I always have my phone with me —I’m either listening to a podcast or browsing through Pinterest.
These two hours —these quiet hours —could actually be the treasured creative time that I’ve been searching for.
Over the past few nights, instead of browsing the pages of Pinterest or looking for a new podcast, I decided to dedicate that time to writing (this post, for example, was written and edited over the past three nights during those quiet hours). Every time I sit in the rocking chair to nurse, I write and edit and write some more. And so far, it’s been incredible.
It turns out that being half asleep while I’m writing is actually good for me. My desire to try to be perfect is pretty much gone, and that fear of being imperfect is gone too.
In the middle of the night, I censor myself less because when I’m half asleep, I really don’t care so much about what others are going to think about my writing.
The middle of the night is also the only time where I have all three of my kids under one roof and they’re all quiet at the same time. Believe me, that never happens during daylight hours. But those two quiet hours in middle of the night when I’m nursing —well, those are all mine. It’s just me and my writing. No interruptions.
It’s interesting, the one thing that I used to dread the most about having a new baby —waking up multiple times in the middle of the night —has actually turned into something that I look forward to.
Of course I’m also looking forward to the day when my youngest can sleep through the night so that I can start getting some real sleep again, but for now, I’m learning to embrace the situation as it is.
Those quiet hours that I’ve discovered are a true gift. I only wish I had discovered them sooner.
