i watched the 1990 version of It while on steriods and nyquil and here’s what i think i saw

i watched the movie slash made for teevee version of the Stephen King property called It while sick to death with a sinus infection and absolutely wacked out on a combination of steriods and nyquil, and here is my summary of the film. (i was watching it for Shipwreck which is on the 7th and you should come.)
okay so roughly seven children are alone in the forest building a dam for some reason in a small town in Maine called Derry. there are some scenes of them being chased and bullied to establish that they’re a rag-tag group of losers. there’s a girl, but only one girl, and she comes from a bad home with a Mean Dad and that’s how you know she’s also a loser and will have Daddy Issues. the one girl’s name is bev and for some reason early on i started calling her bell biv devoe and i don’t know why but whenever she came on screen I’d sing “that girl is poisooon” and Alan would roll his eyes. in every scene for the entire movie someone is touching bell biv devoe, and towards the end she endures a lot of apropos-of-nothing face-stroking from various members of the group.
at some point the kids all start having disturbing visions involving a shapeshifting tim curry with a forehead prosthesis and a lot of blood. they read in a book somewhere that you can kill it with silver, so one kid steals some earrings from his mom that look like two shiny ferrero rochers. Bev Devoe is the only one who can handle herself with a slingshot which is amazing because she’s just a girl. she shoots Tim Curry and hits him but doesn’t kill him for some reason.

later those kids grow up and become john ritter in cowboy boots playing it Aggressively Straight, the one guy from night court, a stand-in for stephen king, and a bunch of extras from murder, she wrote. they all live apart now and the fat one isn’t fat anymore and it’s thirty years later. one of them calls the others and asks them to come back and find It/Tim Curry because something something he’s back. so they all immediately lie to their jobs and spouses and go to Derry.
then i fell asleep for a while, and when i woke up, they were all in a hotel in Derry and one of them was getting stabbed, and Alan explained that the guy stabbing one of them was an escaped mental patient, because of course he was. so they kill him and then all of them (i think there were still 7) climb into a convertible corvette like it’s a clown car — see what they did there — because nobody else rented a car even though they all had to travel to Derry from Far Away.
after the stabbed guy lives, john ritter kisses bell biv but she turns into It, and then they kiss for real and he screams in her face HOW DO I KNOW IF YOU’RE REAL. but she remembers that when they were kids he wrote her a poem about her hair being on fire. anyway, they all get in the tiny car again and go to the sewers, which are actually catacombs, because Derry, Maine has catacombs.

they trudge through the catacombs and find tim curry who is now a spider with tim curry’s voice, at which point that guy with the silver earrings brings the earrings to give to bev bill, because there are only two pieces of silver in all of Derry, Maine and those are they.
when they find the animatronic Tim Curry spider, Bev takes an earring in her slingshot which she’s still using for some reason even though she is a forty year old woman, only it bounces off his … exoskeleton? so then they have a pow wow about how they have to end it now before it comes back in 30 years. they start climbing through the set that looks it is a haunted house during off season. when they find It/Spider, the silver thing becomes totally meaningless, and in what is absolutely the most disappointing climax scene in cinematic history, literally punch and kick it to death.
there was an epilogue of some kind but i went to bed.
