Lotus. life — Day 1: What’s holding me back?
This blog post is in response to Natalie’s 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 1
Here it is, Day 1.
Challenge: What are 2–3 of my biggest challenges that are currently holding me back from living the life I want, why is that challenge coming up and what could a solution be.
I spread myself too thinly. I love taking part in everything I love doing because one day I might not be able to, so I have this sense of urgency about living life before I’m unable to. I practice and perform with 2 improv groups (I used to run a 3rd, but gave that up), I’m a presentation coach, I create applied improv workshops, I do narration and voice acting, I’ve picked up the trombone again, I’m planning a work trip to Bangalore (because I want to do something different), rehearsing for my latest play (do come www.blackstripetheater.com) and researching how to live stream it; there is more, but I need to move on with the challenge.
So, my mum died 10 years ago, and then I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis a year later. Both changed my world and are probably the root to this urgent behaviour. When I get a run of good health (i.e. I can walk and be active, not distracted by pain blah blah) I just throw myself into everything. It’s like I’m panic packing for a holiday I’ve just booked, or I’ve just watched the armageddon warning flash up on TV. I have this sense of urgency to cram as much in as possible just in case I’m knocked off my feet for a month, half a year, or even a year. Therefore, I spread myself too thinly.
(Just then I got pulled away on a Skype and a google hangout, both gave me pleasure, but see above, I’m now writing this and it’s nearly 1am.)
Me. I’m my biggest challenge holding me back. The little voices telling me that “I could do XYZ”, I have so many ideas that I fail to follow through on because I don’t make a decision. It’s good to live in the clouds sometimes, but I need to ground myself, catch the ball, and run with it. That being said, I did catch a ball recently and am running with it to Banaglore. The decision felt right. My challenge for Bangalore is to hone my ideas and then concentrate on a few, not pack too much in. I’ve started a project plan (I’m good at those) to help with this step into the business unknown.
Not taking risks in life and business. I spend 5hrs a week taking risks on stage during improv, motivating others to take a first step in my coaching, and working with start-ups on their pitches and start-ups are in the business of taking risks. So, why am I not taking more risks? Hang on a minute, I started this blog. That’s a risk. A risk of exposure to the public. Not acting, improvising, coaching. The walls are down. I’ve been ‘thinking’ about doing one for a few years, but have never had the balls. Who would want to read it? What have I got to say that’s interesting enough? I’m happy I’ve taken this risk, but there’s more risks out there I need to embrace and not shy away from. Oh, and I will also count Banaglore as a risk.
NB: it’s all rather good to write your thoughts out, I’m OK with this challenge so far….
