A Message To America: Let’s Actually Make Colbert Sexiest Man Alive

Emotional honesty and speaking truth to power deserve more attention than Lenny Kravitz’s abs

Steven Colbert recently claimed that he was People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive, a poke at POTUS for claiming election victory when the truth said otherwise.

Among other outcomes, Colbert’s bit drew everyone’s weary attention back to the annual celebration of masculine unattainableness that is the Sexiest Man Alive (SMA) award.

Recent prime rib select cuts include Chris Hemsworth, David Beckham. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Idris Elba, and John Legend. (I left out Blake Shelton, Mister 2017, because height — 6’5”! — and jawline notwithstanding, he’s sort of a regular guy, isn’t he?)

But these other gentlemen are walking deities: unattainable celestial beings who now set the standard for We the Poor Schlubs.

Mel Gibson was the first Sexiest Man Alive. That was in 1985, long before he revealed his inner ugliness.

Mel was followed by a parade of chisel and chin: Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt (twice), George Clooney (twice), Johnny Depp (twice). Were there really no other men sexy enough to make the grade? Of the 34 awards to-date, I count 29 winners. And until 2018, only one was an American of color — Denzel (SMA 1996).