The Art of Mutual Pleasure: How to Orgasm Together and Bridge the Orgasm Gap

A guide for chasing the elusive twin peaks. Photo: Eyesplash.

For some, there’s nothing hotter in the bedroom than making your partner feel good and delaying your own satisfaction. Others are selfish lovers, and anyone who’s encountered that particular breed knows their shortcomings all too well — pun intended. In the middle of these extremes is the ideal of truly equal, mutual pleasure. The ultimate symbol of mutual pleasure? The elusive simultaneous orgasm.

Coming at the same time is a dubious proposal at best, despite the persistent trope of “Yes, yes, YES!”-ing couples on big and small screens “arriving” together. Even with increasingly sex-positive media (hello, American Gods) and sophisticated toys, the simultaneous orgasm is still a unicorn, a beautiful myth that few can claim to have tamed.

And no wonder. Stats shows that 75% of men in relationships always have an orgasm with their partner while only 30% of women can say the same. Couples have to contend with the entrenched orgasm gap before they can even consider timing. If you’ve gotten to the point where you’re ready to chase mutual orgasms, here are a few essentials to keep in mind.

COMMUNICATE. COMMUNICATE. COMMUNICATE.

It should go without saying that your partner needs to know what takes you to the edge if you want to get there together. The best way for them to know is for your to tell them. Sexual communication is directly linked to sexual satisfaction and doesn’t have to be sanitized or take you out of the moment. A breathy, “You’re going to make me come if you keep doing that,” does the trick. Make a habit of talking to each other during sex, often.

KNOW YOUR PLEASURE POINTS

Couples who’ve been together for a while inevitably find particular methods, positions, and rhythms that are a surefire thing. Let’s be honest, you’re not going to have a simultaneous orgasm with a one-night stand. Your long-term partner knows that you lose control when your hair is pulled, or your legs are at that exact 25-degree angle. Using these orgasm triggers can put you over the edge at exactly the right time.

GO FOR SECONDS

Many women and men find they have better control over a second orgasm than the first. If you’re able to go for a second orgasm, take advantage by getting off first separately, then making the second round the “together” orgasm when you have more restraint and are able to more carefully time your climax. Yeah, this mutual orgasm thing takes patience and practice. Plan for long sessions.

FIND THE RIGHT TOOLS

Any couple that’s experimented with toys in their mutual sex life knows that throwing a vibe in the mix can be a game-changer. Toys can be the difference between hovering on the edge and falling over it. If you struggle with any feelings of intimidation or inauthenticity when it comes to sex toys, get over it. The growing number of mutual pleasure toys, like wearable G-spot vibrators, double-ended dildos, and clitoral stimulating cock rings, means you can find toys that you’ll both enjoy.

USE THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD

As with any sexual phenomenon, simultaneous orgasms have their own wide range of sexpert advice. Whether the bridge maneuver or the stop-start method works for you is completely a matter of your body and rhythms. The only way to test the wide range of advice out there is through trial and error. So go scientific method on your sex life: do your research, try new things, and report your findings to each other. Approaching sex as a practice and an experiment will give you the openness and observations you need to fine-tune your pleasure.

Despite its trickiness, aiming to come at the same time has its practical advantages. Orgasms lead to a period of increased sensitivity in both sexes, and for men, the inability to orgasm againfor a while.

Getting your rocks off at the same time helps you avoid inequality in your pleasure without falling back on the antiquated chivalry of the “ladies come first” rule or other predictable routines. Plus, working together towards a common goal can bring you together in entirely new ways. And let’s face it, working towards a sexy goal? That’s hot as hell.

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