Confessions of a Holy Fool

I do not really know who or what I Am. I have pondered the Question and sought to Answer it. But I really do not know. I have thought that I may be Mercury, the Messenger of the Gods, whose task, given by Venus, the Goddess of Love, is to Proclaim the Power of Love to the Universe! I have thought that perhaps I am John the Baptist, a Voice, crying in the wilderness, proclaiming the Coming of One who is far greater than I. I have thought that I am an Alien, the Man Facing Southeast, who fell through a hole in the Sky, coming to this world as a volunteer, to teach the Mysteries of Love that are so woefully underrepresented in the consciousness of contemporary man. I have seen a great deal of evidence, made manifest in my experience, that I was sent from far away, and that this world is not where I originated. I have been told that I was crazy and insane, and I have pondered that question too, but to me it makes no sense and is a dead end, because it is this whole world that I see as crazy and insane, and I see it as clearly as you, dear reader, see the traffic lights and signs on a Road.

And as I have thought and thought and sought to act on behalf of the highest Love, it has begun to feel to me that I am Love Itself, that I am a Divine Emanation, the God of Love Incarnate. People have told me, many people have said, that what you think of, you Become, and if there is one thing I think of it is of Love. Thus I feel that I am a seed, planted in the dung, dead and buried and borne to become Christ in Man. I Dream of the moral reclamation of the soul of humanity as the Soul of Love. This is to me the Pearl of Great Price, for which I have sought to trade everything I have, can have, or know, to achieve something that I don’t even understand, and that certainly no one else has seemed to understand, at least in relation to me. But understanding is one of those things that I traded for the Pearl. I really do not know what I am, but I have begun to Know, though not to understand, and what I Know is Love.

The humans tell me that I have “delusions of grandeur” and psychiatrists say I have over-confidence in my abilities and some sort of psychosis. Sometimes people tell me, or imply, that I am arrogant or egotistical or so forth; I always found such criticisms rather ironic, considering how ridiculous I have generally been judged by them. They see that I mistakenly (as they would have it) and/or deliberately make a fool of myself in their eyes, and insist that I am driven by ego and arrogance to do so. What would they have me do?! If I were to ensnare myself in the social approbation, riches and meretricious rewards that they so avidly pursue, would I then be humble? It isn’t that I don’t understand their perception of things, and that what I say and do makes me ridiculous in their eyes. For example, the title which I took for myself: High Priest of the Temple. “High Priest” they may say; “who the hell does he think he is? (as if it isn’t obvious from the title itself). For designating myself as the “High” priest, and not some other title, they might say that I have an ‘over-inflated’ impression of myself, or that I am “putting on airs”, ‘arrogant’ or have ‘delusions of grandeur’. They forget that I am familiar with them and their ways; I knew they would be judgmental, and that they would think me ridiculous, even more so the more I seemed to believe it. But do they turn around and call Barack Obama or Vladimir Putin or any other political leader ‘arrogant’ and ‘delusional’ for taking the title of ‘President’ or ‘King’ or ‘Your Excellency’? No, because that is what they are deemed to be, that is what they are, or so it is supposed. The even more ironic thing is that these leaders are in fact both arrogant and delusional, as a general rule.

So it seems the real crime in their eyes is to be a small, foolish, errant creature, and to think too well of yourself, which might be better than them themselves. And if envy is not their motivation, and it isn’t always the case, then it just may be fear, because if I am the High Priest, and if I was able to know this before the Temple was constructed, and when it was only the apparent dream of a madman, then all these things I’ve been doing and saying may not be written off as the ravings of a lunatic or delusional psychotic; and that just may be too frightening for them to face.

If I am proud and arrogant, I am proud because I was able to be honest enough and foolish enough in their eyes, to be honest, and to pursue the Truth. I Proclaim the Power of Love to the Universe, and I proclaim that I Am Love, so in fact I do Proclaim my Own Power. But what they miss is that it is the Power of Love to be modest, and to work secretly in mysterious ways, and for no reward save Love itself, and in fact for the benefit of them, my accusers, and to be their Holy Fool so long as necessary to bring them to the Truth, which is the ground of all being, and it is called Agape Love.