The Root(s) of Self Sabotage
Welcome back dear friends, this week sees us passing over the dark moon and celebrating the new moon in Leo, time to envision and plan fresh starts for your courage, play, spontaneity, and creative expressions in life. This week then feels like a fitting time to talk about the root(s) of self-sabotage, how even fear is but a mask protecting and preserving a deeper pattern buried underneath.
Self-sabotage is one of those buzzwords that gets tossed around an awful lot, so frequently in fact the real roots of it are rarely addressed and merely glossed over. Others speak of the fear of success or the waning of faith and confidence at the heart of this pattern, yet this is a gross injustice and damaging masking of a much deeper and internalized habit we have more than likely inherited through the family line. Yes, fear may be part of this, a lack of confidence and faith, but to merely say these things does perhaps more impairment than doing nothing, because the mind lulls us into believing something is actually being done.
We think, then, I will now be ready to accept success and abundance and attention, as if there is some magic wand we can wave over our psyches and then all is right in our world. This is a lie and a rather juvenile and indescriminate response to a very complex and greatly entrenched pattern. Self-help and new age philosophies can be harmful this way, making us believe a mere single moment of will can transform perhaps centuries of a slowly strengthening pattern.
Self-sabotage is very real and very distructive in our lives, yet merely mentally admiting to a fear or insecirity is laughably naive. I laugh because I have been this naive, this willfully blind and innocent as a defense mechanism.
The truth is there awaits us deep pain, humiliation, insecurities which will drop us to our knees and lay us down on our backs as in our most early experiences of life. There are large and powerful feelings we must be willing to meet with true courage, love and commitment. This is why a sign like Leo is so essential, and even if we do not have it in our birth chart we all have access to the archetype within. We will need such strong valour and bravery in these genuine moments of reckoning.
Transformation and growth are like all the myths, they are won by feats of tremendous courage and a wisdom and feeling based in the heart and soul. We will never touch the potential we carry within us until we are ready to demonstrate and prove this is what we are here to wield and claim as our own. Self-sabotage follows us like a shadow, ever close and ever near, until we are ready to journey within and reconnect to our earliest moments of trauma which we have lumbered forward with ever since. Burdens give us strength, but only when we are at last ready to set them down once and for all.
There are no simple solutions, there is no way to avoid your own meeting with these turbulent waters surging within. Yet do not lose faith or conviction of heart, you will always be granted the equal strength to meet whatever has been alloted to you in this life. This is how we learn what our treasure truly is, and how to offer it back up in the service of ourselves and our community. You stand at the beginning of a powerful adventure, one you have waited your whole life for, will you answer the call, will you dare enter into the place which scares you the most?