I have never raped but i have been on the other side of this…
I was around 17 but I remember it as if it was yesterday.
A friend of mine invited me to have a nice time (she considered me like a brother back then).
I was in love, but she had a long distance relationship with a guy far away that seemed very suspicious to me and that she had never met in real life and so I tried to make a move thinking maybe she might just leave this guy and get together with me.
We went for a long walk in the park and had a nice tchat with her as we strolled through the park and then the city.
We took the bus and i made her sit on my lap and she said that we look like brother and sister.
Then we came into her back garden where i tried to make a move but didn’t really work.
Then I forced myself upon her like an animal in heat and as I saw the fear in her eyes the second after I came closer to her face, I stopped.
I didn’t touch her but it wasn’t necessary. The bad i did that day is still haunting her.
She told me she was fine a few days later and that it wasn’t my fault…
I hated myself for that and we haven’t talked again since that day.
A few months later i saw her at a convention and as she saw me the look in her eyes said more than a thousand words… I felt like a monster and I can never go back.
I don’t know what came upon me that day or what strange force pushed me to act like that.
Maybe it was because of all the other guys in the streets I saw just doing that stuff.
Maybe it was because of my collegues telling me that girls like it when you are a little bit rough.
Maybe it was because of all those times that series, movies or other random times people told me that when a girl says no, she actually means yes.
Maybe it was because of all the times my friends told me that girls just need a ‘’real man’’ to make her feel like a woman.
But since that day I have never ever felt the same again, I started reading things about how women feel about those things about what happened.
Loads of my ‘’female’’ friends told me that they had an experience of rape, sexual harrassment or just ‘’nice guys’’ trying to hit on them.
I don’t know how to make amends bit i know for a fact that it’s not women that need to change the way they act or dress in front of man but that we man need to learn to control our urges!
Television and media teaches the wrong thing in a lot of cases and that! Is not ok!
Sorry for the long post and I hope that my story might help even if it is only a little.