My Exciting New Writing Workshop

Lucas Gardner
May 29 · 4 min read

Calling all writers!

Sign-ups are now open for Lucas Gardner’s Fiction Writers’ Getaway, an exciting new workshop and retreat for writers where you will learn to be a better writer, all in a productive and fun environment. Over the course of this six-day workshop in the Catskills, a select group of promising writers will work under me, and alongside each other, to hone their talents.

It is not necessary for students to bring any written material to the workshop. I use an innovative new method of teaching that I like to call Lucas’ Way The way it works is, I will be bringing several pieces of unfinished writing that could use some extensive work, and the group of young writers lucky enough to get into the workshop will learn to write better by revising this material into something readable, publishable, and enjoyable.

Early detractors have called this retreat “A ploy by Lucas to get writers to pay money to fix his writing,” and to these detractors I say: Oh yeah, detractors? If I needed help writing, then how come I knew the word “detractors,” and have used it so many times? Still others have said, “It kind of sounds more like an editing retreat than a writing retreat,” which is not the case — I promise a lot of this material will need to be completely re-written by the students.

The schedule for the fiction writing sweatshop, err, workshop, is as follows:

Day One

Day one will be a getting-to-know-you day. You will spend the day easing into the program by getting acquainted with each other through a series of fun exercises and games, which you’re going to have to come up with yourselves. I’ll be absent for day one. I don’t really need to be there for this part.

Day Two

Now it’s time to dive into the writing. Day two will be focused on the art of the short story. We’ll be working from “War Is Heaven!?” an original short story of mine about a soldier at war who falls in love with, I don’t know, a nurse I guess. By working together to revise and ultimately finish this story, you students will learn how to craft interesting and believable characters, write compelling dialogue, and structure a story, I hope. “War Is Heaven” is dead in the water if you don’t.

Day Three

Time to tackle the art of the novel. On day three, you will work together to revise and finish Horny P.I., an original pulp novel of mine about the adventures of a hard boiled, private detective in San Francisco. But get this — the detective is horny, sometimes for his own clients, whom he often ends up having sex with. On this day students will master the art of the novel, so help me God. Horny P.I. needs some work. Maybe some illustrations? It might be good to see the P.I. having sex. Students should be open to doing some illustrating.

Day Four

Lights, cameras, action — let’s talk screenplays. On day four, students will work together to punch-up What If The Incredible Hulk Got Bit By The Radioactive Spider That Bit Spider-Man, So Then He Has Spider Powers ON TOP OF Having Hulk Powers, an original screenplay of mine that has some third act problems, as well as some second act problems and no first act yet. Over the course of day four, you’ll learn how to write a compelling and well-structured film script and if you don’t then I’m just going to have to send you home and swap you out with a new batch of writers until we find someone who can get this thing done. This program is for people who are serious about writing.

Day Five

Television is a writer’s medium, so on day five you’ll teach m — err, I mean, I’ll teach you how to write a dynamic and pitchable pilot script. We’ll dive into my original pilot, Cops With A Lot Going On At Home, Too, which as of now is just a title. I can’t be there on this day because I have a thing, but I’ll need you to crank this script out by end of day. There’s no better way to learn to write than under a strict deadline, without your teacher present. By the end of day five, you’ll master the tricky art of the television pilot script, are we clear?

Day Six

This day is dedicated to mastering the art of poetry. I know this is advertised as a fiction workshop but I need all hands on deck to help revise Looking At A Tree, an original poem by me about looking at a tree. Right now it just reads like a straightforward description of what a tree looks like. All good fiction writers can learn from poetry so this will be really helpful for you. Looking At A Tree is so close, it’s just not technically a poem yet.

Enrollment in Lucas Gardner’s Fiction Writers’ Getaway is $5,000, non-refundable. This price does not include lodging, and I retain ownership of all material written at the workshop, so sign up now and let’s take our writing to the next level!

Lucas Gardner

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i’m a comedy writer from new york