All I Respect In Him Is His Human Form
They were lovers living on the brink. They had nothing to speak of and yet they still had love. She was younger. He was the elder. She looked up to his city ways. He looked up to her youth. They were in my apartment. I wasn’t alone anymore and sometimes I wondered if risking eviction was for the best.
I could be homeless. I could go that deep into the system. I could go on social security and look into the abyss of not having a desk top computer to place at the center of my life. One day maybe never I will have a woman at the center of my life and she will have me at the center of her life and we will have our children at the center of our life.
I might divorce. I look at the man and woman staying with me and I wonder. Why me? Why are they staying with me? Am I that much of interest to people? I try to stay alone the city. It won’t forget me.
She was the reason I was evicted from my last apartment. He was the reason she was there. Who dates teenagers in their thirties? What benefit is there to sculpted abdomen? The state gave me a large stomach when they prescribed me medication. I have been medicated for quite some time. I ramble on about the worth of my wonderings and I am watching what they are watching.
Africans. I misunderstand Africans so much as to be wary of their entire way of being. They are success stories at , what? I am watching and wondering how life in the United States which is much younger advanced technologically so quickly and that Africa just has not. I am beyong looking down on Africa and instead just wonder how they survive. Year in and year out. I wonder if this is a test.
Am I to be told that my people are the most technologically and engineeringly advanced and then to believe that mud huts are on the same planet as the 5/3rd Building in Downtown Cincinnati.
Do we live in different dimensions? Are there DNA sequences that just do not evolve engineering skills. Does the carved canoe really last for four generations? The difference in culture makes me believe this is a test. Coupled with the lack of reality that I see in the people that surround me. How did so many failed people produce houses and streets and are we really mostly failures at technologically advancing? Does most of the human race cling to story telling as their sole means of subsisting?
How much does the environment dictate technological progress? Are Africans really that different than Europeans? Are they not it couldn’t be said lazy becase they grow to adulthood and produce offspring but could it be that Africans and the African culture is sound based. They produce the same elements of technology that Europeans do and they claim to be the birth place of civilization. So if they are the first people and they came first why is the second people and the later people more technologically advanced?
Are Europeans more capable of manipulating atoms than Africans? Are Africans just fine at surviving but when it comes to Right Angles and sharp cuts in intelligence they are more rounded?
My current roommates. The way they moved in with me. It sort of just happened, again. They are Africans. They seen no problem with eating my food without asking. They just moved in. I feel as though I am living with an African that wants what I have and since he does not have what I have he assumes the role of head of household while I am here.
I just watch neutrally. He invites people over to eat my food. Maybe I am too clingly to this concept of MY when it comes to the city. When it comes to the city it’s all ours. Is it not? I receive. I write. I live. I have been through. I still receive. He has been through and he recieves but he has been the receiver of much from me and it’s really something little where the little disrespect that is shown and then there are monumental achievements in respect where he rolls me five cigarettes.
I am just amazed at our difference in culture. I assume one day he will be killed for treating someone the same way. I am highly tolerant and I just wish to be alone. I have trouble living with someone that does not pay rent and then asks me to go on long walks to get smoking materials. I know he is a community organizer and I am just in awe at how poor he is. I am poor. I earn less than $10,000 a year and the way I earn it is through being diagnosed with mental disability and it may come to pass that there is no mental disability to speak of but when it comes to this man. I know him so well so I will naturally miss him but it is the strangest thing. His human form is all I respect in him not what he does with it.