Drowning in memories

Drawing you to keep you out of my thoughts.

Once upon a time, in a far away land…

Whenever I walk alone around the places we used to walk together, the feeling slaps me. The memories come back, and the tears are ready to start running down my face.

Whenever I see the bench we sat on, or the spot on the beach where I fell in love with that purple February sunset, everything comes back: the kisses, the touches, the promises we didn’t make, and the unspoken words.

It’s been 1 year, 4 months, 16 days and 2 hours since the last time I saw you. I’m not strong enough to forget you, simply because I don’t want to. I don’t want to forget the softness of your beard, the sweetness of your lips or your irresistible smell.

I don’t want to forget your shoulders, or how our hands had a perfect fit. Kissing other mouths is fun, but kissing yours was heaven, infinite bliss; kissing you, feeling you, breathing you in… it all was a drug I became addicted in matter of days.

Was it a mistake wanting to give you my all? I don’t know, and, after all this time, I don’t care.

I have plenty letters I wrote for you when you left. A poem, a rant, a heartbreaking description of my first months without you. I opened my soul in those letters, everything that I wanted you to know, but you never will.

I rather to keep it like this, pretending I don’t think about you; knowing we’re strangers with shared memories; saying I’m okay, but truth is I die inside when someone says your name.

Memories made. Words said. You’re gone. I’m alone. I’m drowning in my own tears tonight, your face is so clear that I close my eyes to vanish your presence. Go away now. Go.

If I had to keep just one memory of everything I remember with you, it would be the time when we were on the beach. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon, just the two of us in the calm water; my arms around your neck, your salty taste, the most beautiful blue color in your eyes, and me… latching onto you.

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