5 Self-Improvement Scams To Watch Out For
The Woo-woo Side of Self-Dev
In my early days into self-development, I got a book recommendation from a friend, it was a book about something called Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), simply put it’s using specific words when speaking to someone in a way that makes you direct them to achieve the outcome that you want, it could be something small like bringing you a cup of water, or big purchasing a product.
The book was kind of interesting, but I dropped it after a couple of chapters because I couldn’t really understand the concept. Fast forward a few months, I realized that NLP is actually a pseudoscience, with no actual neurological proof or research to back it up.
This made me feel a bit alarmed because of the possibility of there being similar pseudosciences or essentially pointless proof-less things in the self-development sphere. With that being said, here are 5 things that self-development gurus promote that are actually false:
1. Micro Habits
The issue with micro habits is that, the people who preach them see them as if they were accessories, you put on this accessory (habit) and you’re a loser, you get rid of it and now you’ve become a successful individual. They see habits as the cause of the problem, and not a byproduct of the actual cause.
If you have been part of the self-development culture for long enough, you must have come across a video or an article telling you to “adopt the micro habit of sleeping 8 hours a day”, as if there’s some magic button you can press to get 8 high quality sleep hours.
For a person to achieve this small little habit (that’s what “micro” means), they’d have to change their entire lifestyle, skip going out with friends, get their life in order and get over all the work they have earlier during the day so there’s no need for them to stay up late, all of that for a single “micro” habit.
My point is, for you to change your life, you need to do more than just changing your habits, and for you to change your habits, you need way more than just “wanting to change”, you need to learn how to deal with a lot of thing that include your body, your attention span, your social circle, your energy levels.
2. Self-esteem is everything
Self-esteem is important, but it’s not the center of the universe, the truth of the matter is, some destructive behaviors are completely independent from whether your self-esteem is high or not, like substance abuse or theft, I would go as far as saying that high self-esteem can cause you to be overconfident and do all kinds of stupid things, it’s a double-edged sword.
Self-esteem is crucial but unless it's coupled with competence, it means nothing.
Some gurus will try to sell you the idea that for you to be a leader, you have to “feel like a leader”. This is simply wrong because at the end of the day, being a leader is like being an engineer, it’s not just a facade that you put on, it’s a role, something that requires aptitude, not just attitude.
Instead of looking at your reflection in the mirror and repeating the words “you are a leader”, it’d be better and far more beneficial to go and learn about your role as a leader, about what your company does and does not, self-esteem is essential, but what's more essential is knowing what you have to do in your role, whatever your role may be.
3. You Are Special Just Because No One Else Does This
There is an entire book that talks about how waking up early makes you a part of a special club, the book is called The 5AM Club. It’s like waking up early automatically makes you a highly productive person, just because you’re awake at a certain hour (that some people are always awake at because they have to go to work) you feel like you’re a special individual and above the rest, this causes people to turn arrogant and determine people’s worth using a single metric — what hour they wake up at — ignoring everything else about them as a human being.
Not only do they ruin their opportunities in real life because they have zero practical knowledge and skills, they’re also extremely boring to talk to, only speaking about at what hour they woke up or how they are on a “dopamine detox”.
4. Everything Is a Trick
People who are part of the self-development sphere think that any new information they learn is the ultimate secret they need to achieve their goals, tricks about health, wealth and habits make them not only successful individuals but also put them up the societal hierarchy, despite these “tricks” being basic information, things that their own moms and dads have probably told them at some point.
“Top 10 tricks Tom Cruise uses to be a successful person”, people who make such videos or content in general entirely overlook important factors that contribute to the person’s success and say “No, just focus on these tricks, nothing else that Tom Cruise has or does actually matters, just follow the tricks and you will be successful just like him”.
They never mention how these people are millionaires, they live a drastically different lifestyle from most of us, not only do they have to deal with the stress of taking public transportation, they even have their own chefs, and people who work for them to do the simplest of things like taking care of their pets and whatnot.
5. The Myth of Self-control
Some people see emotions as just a different word for stupidity, they believe that all the world’s problems can be solved by turning off your emotions, thinking that they can control their minds, bodies, and possibly even the universe with the power of their thoughts.
“If you feel sad, just think about how useless and pointless it is to feel sad then boom, you're no longer sad”. Emotions are a part of our intelligence rather than an absence thereof, they help us process the world and survive. We are not beings with emotions, we are emotional beings, they aren’t something extra, they’re part of us.
Concerning the theme of self-control, when I tried to get rid of my video games addiction, I didn't think to myself “Now, I just need to control myself and not play games” and called it a day, I actually had to delete said games, change my environment, keep my controller out of sight etc. The thing about self-control is that it's not infinite, we need to understand it more, learn how to “spend” it more effectively, this is how you actually have better self-control.
Final Thoughts
There’s no denying that self-development has a good side, such as making certain philosophies popular like stoicism, as well as promoting good habits like exercising. What I’m saying is that we need to work on separating the wheat from the chaff, debunking these false notions and pseudosciences, and embracing the good things that self-development culture has to offer.
