[SATIRE] ISIS: An Overabundance of PVC For Pipe Bombs Inadvertently Leads To Innovations In Plumbing.

SYRIA — The entire world is abuzz with talks of more terrorist plots and rallying cries as ISIS continues to openly discuss their next plan of attack. Most notably, they’ve divulged that they will attempt to strike at the hearts of more first world countries… just not immediately. Days ago, Al-Jazeera released a video purportedly created by ISIS themselves. They further elaborated in their statement:

“We *are* coming for everyone… eventually.”

The video went on further.

“Right now, we’re preoccupied with other things. With the workload increasing drastically, things tend to get a little stale. Everyone is required to take 12 hour shifts to make and build explosives, which really is a morale killer for some. Our operations do leave us with some downtime, however. When we can, we go over inventory. In doing so, we found that we have an abundance of PVC used for Pipe Bombs. We also had a bunch of other parts we’d never even touched before, and decided to play around with them. Once we figured out that the elbow pieces would connect everything together, it took our PVC game to a whole new level.”

It isn’t just the young, ambitious recruits that are motivated by this. It would appear that the new craze has worked its way up the chain of command. Near the end of the video, one of ISIS’ Generals made a cameo appearance. He too had this to say:

“When I heard what was going on, I didn’t know what to think. Immediately, I demanded to know what all the ruckus was. As the leader of an entire rebellion against Allied Forces, I have to know what’s going on at all times. I nearly executed the first guy I saw who was giggling inside his mask, but they reassured me it was for a good reason. When it was time to empty out the piss bucket, one of the engineers suggested we pour it all into the pipe to see what would happen. The results stunned us. Figuring out that liquid was capable of travelling through the pipes blew our minds.”

Shortly after the video was aired on live television, The head of the CIA released a statement. They had this to say:

“We are now aware of ISIS’ newfound capabilities. It is to our shock that they’ve figured out plumbing. In the last 72 hours, they’ve built basic toilets, sinks and even bathtubs. We have new intel which indicates that they have indeed surpassed our own limitations in plumbing innovation. There are unverified claims going around in certain circles that ISIS has strategically planned to sign up for Pinterest, and start a board dedicated to DIY(Do It Yourself) projects.”