Letter to Mayim, End of March 2015

Whatever we have together, there will always be something missing. There is always something more you want from me and that I want from you.

At various times it’s each others time, attention, affection. Whenever we get something from each other we just want the next thing.

If you don’t want to admit to that, then replace we with I.

There is always something more that I want from you. More attention, more sex, more more more. And I never quite appreciate what you give. And you give a tremendous amount. However, there’s some quirk of my personality, or perhaps of our relationship where I just won’t give the appreciation that you deserve.

We’re so alike and in so many ways, its great. We laugh and play with each others. We care for and about others. But we’re also selfish in our ways. And mean. Not mean in playful sweet ways, just plain mean.

And I’m conflicted about what to do. Loving you is both painful and incredible at the same time. When its good I can feel a subtle aching pain. When it’s bad, like it is now, I can still feel warmth from when it’s good.

This is one of those awful e-mails that doesn’t draw to a conclusion, but just ends abruptly. I don’t know what else to say.

-Nova