So what’s up?

Hey Diary…I am back… with lots of emotions and questions…

So what’ve been happening since my last post? So he and I are done although we have never started as in relationship. He said we have value differences and he just not ready for the emotion pressure when I say “I miss you.” Haiz… Took a while to get over him and it really hurt then.

In December, came along a junior whom I thought has reached out to just connect and may chat about the overseas program that he is on and I have been on in 2011. However, things got interesting early Jan when he started acting slightly different. Things got juicier when he took initiative to “woo” me? I can’t exactly say woo as his intention was to spice up his life I guess. We met in late Jan when I was traveling to the states and we managed to go on a couple dates. We are still in contact but I am still hesitant as I really looking for a life-long partner.

In the same period, a new Lola guy appeared. I was in Iceland when he texted and we were very active in messaging for those 3 weeks. He seems to be a great guy who understands and thinks highly of me, which I really like it. We finally met up when I was back in Singapore on eve of Vday and watched a thai love movie, “I’m fine…thank you…I love you.” It was quite an interesting date, he was great and thoughtful but I felt something was amiss. I wasn’t attracted to him during that date and that is really not good. I was analyzing him instead and worried about our tempers clashing. Shortly after that, he proposed that I reject him if I do not accept him wooing. I feel really bad to him as I am doing things that I do not want it to happen to me. I understand how he is feeling and I would have felt the same if I were him. However, it is always always happening like such in my life. Guys that I like has yet to like me in return and those whom I am not too keen, gives me all that I need. ☹

Lastly, I recently confessed to my Best Buddy before CNY. We were hanging out as usual and it was after his jog. I wasn’t expecting to meet him but since he asked me out for supper, I went. I did not think much about me and him but I have always like him since we first met in 2011. I think he is cute, he is smart and he is fun to be around with. However, as usual, I have never been in his vision as a girl. He loves to joke around me and treats me like his bro… That night, after returning home, it just dawned on me that I want to let him know I like him. I slept it as I did not want to make a rash decision and felt that I might be putting our friendship at risk. I woke up about 5am and texted him:

“我曾经喜欢你，而我喜欢的男孩子都有水准的。Please do not anyhow date around as you are one of the rare guys.”

Haha, of course, he did not know the meaning and needed to google translate. In the end, he had to ask me translate. He was suprised but it did not turn out that bad. He said that if we are single again, he might consider… which is weird, we are single right now, just that he is dating a girl and I am seeing another guy. We are both just dating around to find our partners. He also said that if he were to date me, he would think about settling down as I am of wife material. It is just so sad at times when guys think that way and be much more cautious of approaching.

I am longing for his messages most of the time, I guess after confessing, I started being lovestruck. I look so silly but I guess, I will just learn to enjoy this period. We might have an open discussion in May as I would really like to know my chances. I don’t want to leave things hanging and be so mean to myself. If he doesn’t think he might fall in love with me, I will have to let it go. I always dreamt of loving my best friend and never knew this day will come. However, if it is happy ever after, I think we have a long way to go…