Today is my birthday…
And I want to you to have a slice of me.
Today is May 12. It’s my birthday.
While I try to be somewhat neutral and dispassionate in my non-poetry posts — observant eyes looking out, mind and fingers endeavoring to describe us humans in all our quirky glory — I did promise to myself when I joined Medium around Halloween 2016 that I would impart something more personal on my birthday: a slice of me. (Poetry is a bit different: sometimes I simply step inside someone else’s shoes, cloak myself in their skin and feel their feelings, then let those emotions bleed out into words — in this way I am their voice, your voice. Other times, I let the current societal sentiment swell me to passion, outside of the steady, even pace of my regular life, and what you read is an amplification of a sentiment.)
But I made a promise. So today, I will give you a little piece of me. (It is very embarrassing, but hey: I was just a kid. I’m cool with it now.)
Below are lyrics to a song I wrote when I was around 19. (A very sad and very young-sounding, and a bit whiny, 19-year-old.) I want you to have this because I want you to know that though I try to stay neutral and may seem to some that I “don’t get it” — whether it’s pain or struggle or loss or a host of other ugly things in life — I Do get it. I understand. And for those of you who’ve experienced the more unimaginably gruesome of life’s atrocities and injustices, I empathize — I close my eyes and bow my head as my heart hurts for you; know that I am holding your hand, holding you close in my heart. I am there with you, I cry with you, I’m sad with you, angry with you, outraged with you. I am with you.
Why am I lonely when I’m not alone
And I talk and laugh and dance with everyone
There are a million faces in this crowd
And for a moment I’m happy
So why am I lonely?
Why am I hurting from a memory
Thought I’d overcome this pain by now
A pain inflicted from years ago
When I was too young, too young to know…
So why am I hurting now?
Now I surrender
Oh, I surrender
I’ll come down from my defenses
I’ll let go of all pretenses
If this is the way back to myself
Why am I tired when I’m at rest
As if constant movement were a remedy
To fight off the ghosts that are haunting me
And I’m tired of fighting
So why am I fighting?
Why do I feel so lost today
Thought I knew where I was headed just yesterday
It seemed like all my dreams were in my reach
And I was optimistic
So why do I feel lost now?
Have a great day, everyone! Keep shining your light.