When it comes to pursuit of sex, my wife says that I’m “aggressive”. That doesn’t mean that I’m rough or rude. That just means that I want what I want and I go for it. There is no grey area when it comes to the pursuit of sex with my wife.

It’s more than just grabbing her ass and asking for a blowjob though. There is a process and an art that works. Sometimes I do go over the line if I’m honest with groping and grabbing, but I can’t help it. I love to put my hands on my wife. She knows that I want her and that message is clear. Sometimes that annoys her because I’m a little too obvious and ‘hands on’. There’s really no mystery.

Many times men can be at the wrong end of the spectrum when it comes to the pursuit of sex with their woman. They can either be very aggressive and direct or they’re completely cold and expect her to turn on a dime and jump in the sack without any attention and foreplay.

Lets face it, most women want to be pursued. When we first meet a woman, there is a different type of pursuit that leads up to the first connections. It’s not so different though when you’re trying to take it to the next level. Being too direct with your woman about sex is akin to walking up to a strange woman in the bar, not buying her a drink and just asking her straight out to fuck. Normally guys, that ain’t gonna work for ya. The same holds true for pursuit with a girlfriend or your wife. There is a process, there is a game that you need to play to ensure that everything leads up to the moment that counts.

Flirt with her

Sex starts with verbal foreplay. You don’t grab, you don’t touch, you don’t ask for a blowjob. Take the time to flirt with her in subtle ways. If you’re just starting to date then you wait for subtle signs of permission to move further.

To get here you need to flirt. Have fun with her. Listen to her and have a lot of eye contact. Stay close to her. Make her feel appreciated. Don’t worry about doing things that turn her on or being overtly direct. Make her feel excited about your connection on a foundational level. Connect with her mentally and emotionally. Make her laugh. Then you can begin to take things to the next level.

Don’t act needy

Part of the pursuit is making sure that you don’t try too hard. Don’t come to your woman acting like a dog in heat with your tongue hanging out of your mouth. Worse yet, you don’t want to try to make her feel guilty or bad about not pursuing you. It won’t work and you’ll find that the fire down below never actually starts.

The pursuit of sex goes both ways. It’s a strange dance. Women want to be pursued but they don’t want a man to beg and make them feel like they’ve let them down in some way or deprived them. Men should show interest, but nothing is more of a turn off than a man that uses guilt, sadness, anger and desperation to get sex.

Touch her

Taking it to the next level begins with touch. After you’ve been in a relationship for a while it can begin to feel a little distant at times and men can get lazy. Touching your woman is a foundational sign that you care and that you want her so make efforts to touch her in subtle ways.

When you pass her, brush your hand across her arm or her back. If you’re sitting on the couch, make efforts to sit next to her on occasion if you don’t normally. Snuggle in with her and lightly stroke her arm or leg as you’re watching TV. Play with her hair and nuzzle up against her.

I should also point out, all of these things don’t have to happen on the night of sex. Again, you don’t want to seem desperate or manipulative. Do these things on a regular basis to build a foundation of desire and attraction.

All of these things are signals that show you’re interested and the beginning of the spark that will eventually light the fire in the bedroom.

Show her that you want her, demonstrate desire

Now that you’ve built the foundation where a woman feels that you care and that you’re attracted to her, then you can begin to ratchet up the pressure on the day that you’d like to close the deal.

You can begin to do things like texting her throughout the day in sexy ways. Maybe even being direct and saying simple things like “I want you”, “I need you” and coming up with creative ways to show that you’re in the mood for some fun.

Be aggressive

Now is the time to act like I act all the time (apparently). Roll up on her and kiss her. Hug her, grab her ass when you pass her. Be somewhat aggressive in your pursuit and leave no doubt that you mean business. Kiss her aggressively, maybe even go so far as to fondle her breasts and begin to touch her between her legs. Sqeeze her, whisper in her ear that you want her, or if she likes dirty talk, tell her that you want to fuck her straight out as you grab and fondle. Leave no doubt what you want and that she’s the object of your desire.

Go for it

Do I really need to say it? Yea, I think I really do because this is where some men can drop the ball. It’s not obvious for some. You don’t wait for the woman to come to you. This is not what she generally wants. In the game of pursuit, she wants you to close the deal and to go for it in a big way.

While you’re kissing her, put your hand down her pants or begin to unbutton her top. This is when you’ll know if you’ll make it across the finish line or if all your efforts have been for nothing. This is the moment of truth, just ‘go for it’. Take her in the kitchen or on the couch or in the bedroom. It doesn’t matter, just as long as you are the one making the move and showing that you want her and have made the decision that it’s what you want too.

What works for you? What does your woman like?

Do you have any additional advice or suggestions that you’d like to offer up and discuss? Post your thoughts in the comments below.

Originally published on Wordpress