Conversations In-Between
In the past few days-5 days now, I’ve spent time doing two things- conversing and then, thinking.
I have had short conversations. That’s not what I’m referring to. I’m talking two hours and more straight up conversations.
As much as it has been enlightening, it has also been very challenging. As always, these conversations have left me reaffirming some truths, adjusting some truths, letting go of some truths and of course gradually accepting new truths that I have come to realize.
These conversations have been more about self and centering on three things that define me; love, my art and the individual that I am.
I have had to touch, not completely though, but a certain core of my soul and it has brought me face to face with two authentic sides of me.
This time, I am not at a crossroad.
My guess is, I am still in this process and I’m having conversations with self.
In one of the conversations I have had in the past days one stuck out to me the most.
We had discussed the creative person and reality. Where the art is the reality of a creative.
There are many factors that alter with this reality and there are emotions and feelings.
In my opinion, every creator has two kinds of coping mechanism, the first type is often influenced by society and immediate environment and the second begins after the realization of who you are as a maker of art; a creator.
The second is an ever evolving mechanism for me (it’s what I think/believe) and it is in total regard for no one but yourself and your art first.
It begins with your ability to interchange. To switch up, to go blank, to crave serenity and chaos at the same time, to feel and then to not let yourself feel anything anymore paying no homage to the word ‘intentional’.
To want to cry but to only bleed inside to show pain, only because you feel it.
To acknowledge the voices in your head as all part of you. To silence them when the need be and to let them influence your creation.
To realize that there will always be different sides to you and each side is your true authentic self. To wear each part separately yet allowing them be in sync with other.
To embody everything that makes you up. To allow them to stand alone and to be able to step back into each component without losing anything.
To put yourself, first. Always. Yet to maintain clarity for society still not being afraid of ostracism.
To recognize the spirits present in your process of creating. To recognize the fear of self that you feel. To accept the loss of people- living, as your transitory process.
But, to see yourself first.
To embody what you see and then to live it. (Please pause here, I lost a trail of thoughts and it drove me crazy for a few minutes)
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In one of the conversations I had, we had talked about Kanye West, one of the greatest creators of our time.
In my lack of right words to qualify the person that he is, I said, ‘kanye is a god in his own right’.
The person I was having this conversation replied to that saying ‘Before you came to that conclusion, Kanye had come to that conclusion and had embodied it. You see now what he believes. You believe now when he believes. He had to make this his truth first. If you think Kanye is a god best believe Kanye believed it first.’
-End of conversation-.
What do you think you are?
This is why I’m awake right now.
No, I’m not seeking for answers in the night. Maybe it’s in the silence of my current universe. I am present but I am also not present.
©️MChidi
3:16am||Apr 2020
