How to Stop Failing at Meditation

So, you’re failing at meditation, huh? That sucks. But I think I can help.

I meditate daily, but I’m not a meditation expert, so I urge you to take what I say with a gargantuan grain of sea salt. I’m just a dude who stumbled into meditation at exactly the right time for it to make sense to me. I approached meditation during distress with an open heart and a surplus of open emotional wounds. I had nothing to lose and carried no expectations.

Turns out, the whole “no-expectations” thing is key to the entire enterprise.

So if you’re expecting to lower your blood pressure, stop your negative thoughts, become more productive or develop a glowing aura that will help you land a promotion or improve your swipe success on Tinder, you will probably fail. Sorry.

Expectorate Your Meditation Expectations

It makes sense — approaching your practice as a means to an end seems natural. It’s what we do around here; we perform tasks “A” and “B” expecting to achieve objective “C.” If we follow the treasure map, we get that sweet pirate booty, right? But meditation doesn’t seem to work that way.

Your expectations are all about future goals and achievements, while meditation is all about becoming purely aware of the present moment. For many people, this reality necessitates a shift in approach.

Yeah, it’s going to lead to improvements if you stick with it, but it’s not effective unless you treat your practice as a gift and as its own reward. Don’t practice meditation to reduce your stress levels; practice meditation to practice meditation. And then you’ll probably feel less stressed out as a fun little by-product.

The actual, factual, real truth is that it’s impossible to fail at meditation. But it’s also not possible to succeed at meditation without failing.

What Are You Noticing?

I’ve been transformed by my personal mindfulness and meditation practice. Meditation has become an essential component of my daily life since I began sitting regularly a little over two years ago. And I “fail” at it multiple times per sit, every single day. But that’s the whole point. That’s when the good shit happens.

I hear a lot of people say they suck at meditating: They can’t stop their thoughts, they can’t sit still or they can’t shift their awareness from the outside to the inside. This is where the whole present-moment awareness thing starts to become meaningful.

When I meditate, I lose track of myself constantly. I start thinking about a groovy tune or breakfast or work or sex or breakfast or my post-meditation plans or breakfast sex. Sometimes this goes on for quite a while, but then I notice what’s happening. Magic!

When I notice that I’m thinking instead of focusing on my breath, I have a chance to return to awareness. I do it over and over again every time.

The beautiful thing is that the practice has armed me with the ability to return to awareness more easily in my regular, non meditating life. So now I don’t freak out about stupid shit as much anymore and there’s a space between my experiences in the world and my reactions to them.

The more I “fail,” the more I get to return to awareness.

So yeah, I suck at meditation and I “fail” all the time. But it works.

Sucking at meditation only happens if you fail to notice that you suck at meditation.

Fail Better, Meditate Better

The next time you feel like you’re failing at meditation, consider what’s actually happening.

Are you failing because you’re not experiencing the benefits you had hoped to achieve through your practice? Try meditation without expectations and see what happens!

Are you failing because you can’t seem to control your thoughts? Congratulations! You’ve noticed that you have a lot of thoughts. You’ve also noticed that you wish you could control them. That’s a lot of noticing, and that’s what this thing is all about. Be the noticer of your thoughts and let them go. They aren’t you; they are just products of your mind like boogers are the product of your nose. I think the Buddha said that.

Are you failing because you can’t sit in a perfect lotus pose? Don’t try to sit in a perfect lotus pose. Sit where you feel comfortable and don’t mind being still for a while. Lie in your bed, sit in your beanbag chair or stand on your head. Whatever works for you.

Just notice. Just notice.

Please Continue to Fail

I hope you keep “failing” at meditation. I hope you can keep noticing your inability to perfect your practice. I hope you get so good at failure that you find a way to separate your “you” from your thoughts.

If you want to stop failing at meditation, keep failing at meditation. You can do it!

Far out, right?