“Whatever, good night!”
These were the last words I ever said to the most important person in my life. In a rushed and impatient way was how I spoke to you that last time.
The next day, before I could even say good morning to you everything was over.
For a long time afterwards, those last words weighed on me.
I just kept thinking what a crappy thing for you to remember as you drew your last breath.
All my life it had been ingrained in me how important last words were.
Stories about reconciliation on the last second and how everything was suddenly okay because of that.
The regret crushed me every day.
Then I remembered.
I remembered how I said “I love you” to you every day, so many times that even though you were the type of person that didn’t show your feelings very much you would always end up sighing and saying “I love you too” with a mix of exasperation and love.
I remembered how I hugged you and clung to you all the time.
How I called you my angel on earth.
How you were the first person I ever loved.
All those things forgotten just because “last words” are so important.
And finally I understood.
Every time I was around you my affection and adoration were clear, and no last words will ever change that.
My last words to you were not nice, but that’s OK.
All that matters is that I loved you with everything I had until the last second, and you knew that.
I love you mom, my angel on earth that went to heaven ❤