The Beginner’s Guide To Naked Toilet Sitting.

All The How To’s, When To’s & Where To’s In a Simple Guide

That’s right. Every time I go into the “office”, I take my clothes off. Completely Naked! I do it literally every time. Even in the winter, when it’s freezing and I’m shivering, I do it. No excuses. I’m not sure when I picked it up in the first place, but ever since then, my life has changed. No shoes, no shirt, no encumbrances, the quickest way to reconnect with nature. Call it freedom.

I can only assume that if you are reading this, you have also been exposed to this magical world and looking to go deeper and know it all, and so my friends, you have come to the right place.

Now, dont get me worng, although it is an art, it comes with an unwritten manual (until now). Just a few rules that we, as a civilized society, MUST apply. So follow these rules and you’ll be just fine. Break these rules and you will forever be living as a savage (and not the good kind).

Rule #1 One must stay fully clothed in public places / social events (i.e restaurants, coffee shops, movie theaters, backstage of the oscars, etc). The rule basically means that you can only let the show begin in your own home or in any other housing shape, though, one must distinguish by event (paretns house — yay, house party — nay). A general rule that can make it easier for the uninitiated: If you are greatly allowed to take your shoes off, in most cases, you are more than welcome to go all the way in the loo.

All the way baby! (S06E06)

Rule #2 The number of visits in the particular house is a major tool to differentiate between good and evil. One has to own a certin amount of visits in the particular house before breaking free. Not only that, there are several variables that should be taken under consideration. For instance, duration of each visit, nature of relationship (an old friend compared to a colleague), householder’s sensitivity and so on. All these variables should be correlated to each other. In general, the stronger {your relationship with the householder is}, the better. Next time, try to act by the ‘Relationship ladder’: At the top, we can see occasions such as a casual visit in your best friend’s apartment. You’ve been there many times for a long duration of time and you’ve dropped a biscuit in the basket quite a lot (side note: Pre dump farts considered to be a nice gesture in some cultures). On the other hand, At the bottom of the ladder, we’ll find occasions such as your first visit in your boss’s house / the first meeting with your parents in law / first time at your date’s apartment (side note: on a date, try to spend as less time as possible in the bathroom, particularly in your date’s bathroom. You can thank me later).

Never ignore side notes (S05E011)

Following the first two rules will provide you with lifetime security, but let’s beat it to death with Rule #3 Time management! The thing is, sitting there completely naked, will often put you in a state similar to meditation, nirvana if you will. A journey through time and space. if you’re going in with a free schedule- do it! DO IT NOW!! But, if you feel the need to poke out the turtle’s head right before leaving the house or in any other occasion where time is valuable, as a beginner, you’d better not to. You probably don’t have the ability to control such power, yet. Let’s put it this way, if you have the next 40 minutes to yourself, It’s time to make some butt coffee au naturel.

So there you have it young grasshoppers. These are the three fundamental rules of naked toilet sitting. I wish you the very best of luck in your journey of discovering this wonderful world. I hope that one day this magic will unite us all, but until then, keep on rockin in the free world.