The camel

One and half years of relationship and 7 years of friendship, a life experience full of emotions, unexpected events and learned lessons.

A cute best friendship which raised since our student life and kept alive despite the distance , ended up in a solid and stable love story with engagement and wedding plans. We had this kind of relationship where we were 24/7 together on the phone, on whatsup or on google talk. Every second spent with him was felt as breathing oxygen, all the rest was almost of no value for me. I had him , and that was enough for me: I was not focusing on my career so I was feeling that my job was not interesting , I had a cold relationship with my colleagues, I did not want to integrate the society and was not willing to speak the language of the country where I live. My flat was almost empty and I was not caring that it is so ugly, because the plan was that I follow him, and settle down wherever he is.

Sounds like a classical story, where the guy leaves the girl just few months or few weeks before they get engaged or married.

He got sick for several months (a rare unexplained eczema without any clear treatment) and refused any help from me. Worse than that, he did not let his best friends and his family know about it and implicitly did not allow me to seek for support neither. I was sinking with him in his paranoia, I felt so bad and deeply sad about the situation and could not change anything about it, his decision was already taken and I was just not willing to face the reality.

Two months of common suffer and endless and unsuccessful back and forth discussions, he said it is better for both of us to separate. He said I am not young anymore and that I need to see elsewhere. I tumbled down to level 0 and a big new start was the only remedy.

I asked my mom to come to save the little rest of me. I was crying every day, at work , on the streets, on the bus, at home, everywhere. Mourning was very difficult and accepting this decision was one of the biggest challenges. I felt sadness for the first time of my life, and lost confidence on me and on the future.

The weeks passed and my mom was leaving. No choice left, I needed to stand up and setup a healing plan. “Get out the couch and go do sports!”, said the little voice inside of me. And the miracle started to happen when I first went to a Zumba Course. The African and Latino movements started to chase my inner daemons .I started slowly to go outside and meet people on different events. I bought new furniture and my flat started to look like a comfy living place. I get then enough self confidence to speak with my colleagues on their mother tongue language. I got active in our technical meetings and had a big motivation to improve my technical skills by reading books and papers. I started to live and enjoy my experience abroad and everyday was a new discovery for me. Then I wanted to experience more about the world and myself, so I organised my holidays far away alone and enjoyed the fact of being alone and being happy by myself while meeting new people and new cultures. I enjoyed every second I spent by my own, and I realized how much important is to love my person and give it a chance to show the big potential that it has.

A poisoning love showed me that part of the life is about finding the equilibrium by yourself , being happy on your own, independently from what others can or may offer you. A life experience, good or bad, makes you grow up and understand meanings you used to interpret wrongly.

Finally, with some positive vibes, I encourage every reader being in a relationship or single, to meditate about this story on the hope that it will inspire you and guide you to the right way.

PS: The title refers “ironically” to the animal my ex thinks he looks like: a camel (patient and enduring..).