Hello, I’m new here,
And I’m better than you:
Smarter — kindlier –
Much cleverer too!
You’re stupid — you’re snooty –
You’re unworthy of my precious time.
As for me, it’s plain to see
I’m magnificent and sublime!
While I am Secretariat,
Or perhaps Seattle Slew,
The rest of you, a sorry lot,
Are destined to become glue.
This may seem rather blunt,
But that’s just how I am.
If my directness hurts you,
Frankly, I don’t give a damn.
Please do not advise me
To better communicate.
I’m quite capable in that regard;
My intent is to berate.
…
“You think it’s okay?” Abigail asked tentatively.
Emma held up the phone and began to read aloud. “‘Dearest Troy’ — Dearest was a nice touch — ‘I’m so happy for you getting your dream job! That’s quite an achievement — you should have a big celebration. The thing is, Troy… I don’t want to hold you back. You need to be free, and deserve someone just as supportive of your aspirations as you’ve been of mine.’
“Supportive?” Emma scoffed.
“‘I’ll always remember our ten months together (the stories I could tell, haha). I wish you well.’ Perfect! …
Have you found them?
Don’t worry, most people can’t on the first try.
They’re there, all right, but only reveal themselves to those who are ready to believe, to accept, to embrace.
Close your eyes and open your mind. Clear away the prejudices, fears and preconceptions. Suspend your skepticism. Relax and let all your senses — even those you don’t fully perceive or comprehend, and may not even believe in — do their jobs.
Then search again, beneath the lush undergrowth, around the massive trunks of old-growth trees, through green drapes of hanging moss, near the babbling brook, in the…
A half-dozen last-minute suggestions for the final stretch of National Novel Writing Month (or really early ideas for next year)
1. NaIgnoNaNoWriMo: Just ignore all the NaNoWriMo hoopla and hype. Pretend you didn’t read this or anything else about the writing frenzy that occurs every November. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s almost impossible to ignore NaNoWriMo anymore. But you can say you did. I promise not to tell anyone otherwise.
2. NaNanoWriMo: In the short time remaining, craft some kick-ass nano fiction. Whether it’s five words or fifty, nano fiction is an art form. Despite their extreme brevity, nano pieces should still convey, directly or by inference, the five main elements that make up a story: theme, setting, plot, character…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise move Saturday, President Donald Trump announced that in response to the “completely unexpected” resignations of chief strategist/senior counselor Stephen Bannon and Chief of Staff Reince Priebus earlier in the day, he will name Hillary Clinton to replace both men. Her title will be Senior Chief Strategist of Chief Staff Counselor.
“Hillary was an obvious choice,” Trump said in a prepared statement. “Between us, we won 100 percent of the popular vote and 110 percent of the electoral college. There’s no way anyone can complain about this. My approval rating will be through the roof.”…
You’ll kick yourself for not thinking of this genius life hack
This man decided to make a sandwich, but you WON’T BELIEVE what happened next. My jaw dropped! How is this even possible?
An AMAZING life hack you NEED to see!
You’ve been doing it wrong your whole life.
This. Changes. EVERYTHING.
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For the full story, CLICK HERE
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Uh, I put the jam on first when I’m making a PB and J.
Related Content:
• What this dog does every day will leave you sobbing. No wonder dogs are called man’s best friend.
• 27 facts about dryer lint that will blow your mind.
• This will change the way you look at topiaries FOREVER.
© 2015 by M.P. Witwer • All rights reserved
(Originally published at storiesspace.com)
A backward poem for backward times
The president is doing great
Only a fool would think
Otherwise
Most everyone believes
We should trust him
There is no cause for concern
But some are saying
The country is in danger
People are scared
Nothing could be further from the truth
Everything is going to be fine
Now read from the bottom up…
* * *
© 2017 by M.P. Witwer • All rights reserved
* Sources are linked in the text
There was a crooked man
Who ran a crooked race
And with his crooked words,
Put opponents in their place
He chopped them down, one by one
’Til a single foe remained
On merit, she’d win handily,
So he painted her with disdain
This shameless huckster’s style
Is totally ‘in your face’
At any time in memory,
It would have brought him great disgrace
But that isn’t how it happened,
Not in this odd campaign
His way: relentless bullying,
Name-calling a constant refrain
Surprisingly he snagged the post,
But owing to immense conceit,
Could not admit (though we all knew)
‘Victory’ came through…
Not feeling the love for National Novel Writing Month, the annual November 50K-word writing frenzy? Here are some other options
1. NaNO!WriMo: Do not write anything — not a single word — for 30 days. The challenge is tougher than it might seem.
2. NaDoWriMo: Chronicle every episode of The Simpsons in which Homer exclaims, “D’oh!” This, of course, requires watching every episode of The Simpsons. Not a bad way to spend the month.
Nasty Woman and the Bad Hombres Present a Satirical Commentary:
Excuse me, sir, I hate to intrude
But you’re out in public and your shirt’s rather rude
Although fairly mild, as far as some go,
The sentiment still dips pretty low
I mean, ‘Life’s a bitch — don’t elect one’
Why does she deserve that, what has she done?
Oh, I cannot stand her, lots of reasons why
For one, get in her way and you’re gonna die
She’s had people murdered time and again
You don’t need enemies if you count her as a friend
And you just know she’s gonna come for our guns
Her, with that brain damage, that Parkinson’s
She gave…
