WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise move Saturday, President Donald Trump announced that in response to the “completely unexpected” resignations of chief strategist/senior counselor Stephen Bannon and Chief of Staff Reince Priebus earlier in the day, he will name Hillary Clinton to replace both men. Her title will be Senior Chief Strategist of Chief Staff Counselor.

“Hillary was an obvious choice,” Trump said in a prepared statement. “Between us, we won 100 percent of the popular vote and 110 percent of the electoral college. There’s no way anyone can complain about this. My approval rating will be through the roof.” …

This man decided to make a sandwich, but you WON’T BELIEVE what happened next. My jaw dropped! How is this even possible?

An AMAZING life hack you NEED to see!

You’ve been doing it wrong your whole life.

This. Changes. EVERYTHING.

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For the full story, CLICK HERE

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Uh, I put the jam on first when I’m making a PB and J.

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© 2015 by M.P. Witwer • All rights reserved
(Originally published at www.storiesspace.com)

The president is doing great
Only a fool would think
Otherwise
Most everyone believes
We should trust him
There is no cause for concern
But some are saying
The country is in danger
People are scared
Nothing could be further from the truth
Everything is going to be fine

Now read from the bottom up…

* * *
© 2017 by M.P. Witwer • All rights reserved

There was a crooked man
Who ran a crooked race
And with his crooked words,
Put opponents in their place

He chopped them down, one by one
’Til a single foe remained
On merit, she’d win handily,
So he painted her with disdain

This shameless huckster’s style
Is totally ‘in your face’
At any time in memory,
It would have brought him great disgrace

But that isn’t how it happened,
Not in this odd campaign
His way: relentless bullying,
Name-calling a constant refrain

Surprisingly he snagged the post,
But owing to immense conceit,
Could not admit (though we all knew)
‘Victory’ came through lies, tricks and…

1. NaNO!WriMo: Do not write anything — not a single word — for 30 days. The challenge is tougher than it might seem.

2. NaDoWriMo: Chronicle every episode of The Simpsons in which Homer exclaims, “D’oh!” This, of course, requires watching every episode of The Simpsons. Not a bad way to spend the month.

Nasty Woman and the Bad Hombres Present a Satirical Commentary:

Excuse me, sir, I hate to intrude
But you’re out in public and your shirt’s rather rude
Although fairly mild, as far as some go,
The sentiment still dips pretty low
I mean, ‘Life’s a bitch — don’t elect one’
Why does she deserve that, what has she done?

Oh, I cannot stand her, lots of reasons why
For one, get in her way and you’re gonna die
She’s had people murdered time and again
You don’t need enemies if you count her as a friend
And you just know she’s gonna come for our guns
Her, with that brain damage, that Parkinson’s
She gave nukes to Russia, and then to Iran
And she’s the one got our men killed in Afghanistan
She slept through Benghazi, laughed at child rape
But she’s got connections to get out of any scrape
She’s such a puppet, has been for so long
Trying to sell us on stuff that’s evil and WRONG
What about those emails? …

Today at the Trump School of Dance we’re going to teach you Mr. Trump’s personal favorite move, The Narcissist Hustle. If you promise not to tell him I told you this, it’s actually the only step he knows — but he performs it expertly, better than anyone alive, in fact.

Follow these steps precisely, and before long you’ll be doing it like a pro, too.

1. Rationalize: Dismiss and make excuses for your bad behavior. (“This was locker-room banter, a private conversation that took place many years ago.”)

2. Deflect: Draw attention away from yourself, instead focusing on someone who has done something as bad or worse. This may seem contrary to the Narcissists Creed, but it isn’t! Don’t worry, it’s still all about you—about proving you’re better than the other guy. (“Bill Clinton has said far worse to me on the golf course—not even close.”) …

A humorous take on the U.S. presidential race, told in the style of “Green Eggs and Ham” by Dr. Seuss

Pardon me, miss, have you time for a poll?

No, not today. I’m out for a stroll.

That’s okay, ma’am, while you stroll I can poll!

All right, I suppose, if you poll while I stroll…

Do you plan to vote in the presidential race?

Oh, yes! Not voting is a terrible disgrace!

Tell me a bit as to how you’ll choose —

If you could, please share your views!

Well —

I do not like the orange man

I do not like his Muslim…