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Photo by Thomas Hawk — Used under Creative Commons license (CC BY-NC 2.0)

A half-dozen last-minute suggestions for the final stretch of National Novel Writing Month (or really early ideas for next year)

1. NaIgnoNaNoWriMo: Just ignore all the NaNoWriMo hoopla and hype. Pretend you didn’t read this or anything else about the writing frenzy that occurs every November. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s almost impossible to ignore NaNoWriMo anymore. But you can say you did. I promise not to tell anyone otherwise.

2. NaNanoWriMo: In the short time remaining, craft some kick-ass nano fiction. Whether it’s five words or fifty, nano fiction is an art form. Despite their extreme brevity, nano pieces should still convey, directly or by inference, the five main elements that make up a story: theme, setting, plot, character and conflict. …

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise move Saturday, President Donald Trump announced that in response to the “completely unexpected” resignations of chief strategist/senior counselor Stephen Bannon and Chief of Staff Reince Priebus earlier in the day, he will name Hillary Clinton to replace both men. Her title will be Senior Chief Strategist of Chief Staff Counselor.

“Hillary was an obvious choice,” Trump said in a prepared statement. “Between us, we won 100 percent of the popular vote and 110 percent of the electoral college. There’s no way anyone can complain about this. My approval rating will be through the roof.” …

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You’ll kick yourself for not thinking of this genius life hack

This man decided to make a sandwich, but you WON’T BELIEVE what happened next. My jaw dropped! How is this even possible?

An AMAZING life hack you NEED to see!

You’ve been doing it wrong your whole life.

This. Changes. EVERYTHING.

For the full story, CLICK HERE

Uh, I put the jam on first when I’m making a PB and J.

Related Content:
• What this dog does every day will leave you sobbing. No wonder dogs are called man’s best friend.
• 27 facts about dryer lint that will blow your mind.
• This will change the way you look at topiaries FOREVER.

© 2015 by M.P. Witwer • All rights reserved
(Originally published at

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A backward poem for backward times

The president is doing great
Only a fool would think
Most everyone believes
We should trust him
There is no cause for concern
But some are saying
The country is in danger
People are scared
Nothing could be further from the truth
Everything is going to be fine

Now read from the bottom up…

* * *
© 2017 by M.P. Witwer • All rights reserved

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* Sources are linked in the text

There was a crooked man
Who ran a crooked race
And with his crooked words,
Put opponents in their place

He chopped them down, one by one
’Til a single foe remained
On merit, she’d win handily,
So he painted her with disdain

This shameless huckster’s style
Is totally ‘in your face’
At any time in memory,
It would have brought him great disgrace

But that isn’t how it happened,
Not in this odd campaign
His way: relentless bullying,
Name-calling a constant refrain

Surprisingly he snagged the post,
But owing to immense conceit,
Could not admit (though we all knew)
‘Victory’ came through lies, tricks and…

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Not feeling the love for National Novel Writing Month, the annual November 50K-word writing frenzy? Here are some other options

1. NaNO!WriMo: Do not write anything — not a single word — for 30 days. The challenge is tougher than it might seem.

2. NaDoWriMo: Chronicle every episode of The Simpsons in which Homer exclaims, “D’oh!” This, of course, requires watching every episode of The Simpsons. Not a bad way to spend the month.

Nasty Woman and the Bad Hombres Present a Satirical Commentary:

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Nice shirt, bro

Excuse me, sir, I hate to intrude
But you’re out in public and your shirt’s rather rude
Although fairly mild, as far as some go,
The sentiment still dips pretty low
I mean, ‘Life’s a bitch — don’t elect one’
Why does she deserve that, what has she done?

Oh, I cannot stand her, lots of reasons why
For one, get in her way and you’re gonna die
She’s had people murdered time and again
You don’t need enemies if you count her as a friend
And you just know she’s gonna come for our guns
Her, with that brain damage, that Parkinson’s
She gave nukes to Russia, and then to Iran
And she’s the one got our men killed in Afghanistan
She slept through Benghazi, laughed at child rape
But she’s got connections to get out of any scrape
She’s such a puppet, has been for so long
Trying to sell us on stuff that’s evil and WRONG
What about those emails? …

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Today at the Trump School of Dance we’re going to teach you Mr. Trump’s personal favorite move, The Narcissist Hustle. If you promise not to tell him I told you this, it’s actually the only step he knows — but he performs it expertly, better than anyone alive, in fact.

Follow these steps precisely, and before long you’ll be doing it like a pro, too.

1. Rationalize: Dismiss and make excuses for your bad behavior. (“This was locker-room banter, a private conversation that took place many years ago.”)

2. Deflect: Draw attention away from yourself, instead focusing on someone who has done something as bad or worse. This may seem contrary to the Narcissists Creed, but it isn’t! Don’t worry, it’s still all about you—about proving you’re better than the other guy. (“Bill Clinton has said far worse to me on the golf course—not even close.”) …

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A humorous take on the U.S. presidential race, told in the style of “Green Eggs and Ham” by Dr. Seuss

Pardon me, miss, have you time for a poll?

No, not today. I’m out for a stroll.

That’s okay, ma’am, while you stroll I can poll!

All right, I suppose, if you poll while I stroll…

Do you plan to vote in the presidential race?

Oh, yes! Not voting is a terrible disgrace!

Tell me a bit as to how you’ll choose —

If you could, please share your views!

Well —

I do not like the orange man

I do not like his Muslim…

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Who knew it came in so many different varieties?

If only the spammers would listen, this is what I’d tell them…

Dear Purveyors of Canned Meat:

Thank you for your interest in our website. Because so many of you have left similar comments, we’ve put together a list of common observations, questions and concerns. Please consult this FAS (frequently added spam) guide before posting.

Most Sincerely,

The Site Administrators


The Helper

It’s thoughtful of you to be concerned about our SEO scores, Google ranking, social media marketing strategy and website layout. Really, though, we’re happy with how everything is going right now. We’ll keep your contact information on hand if we’re ever looking to make a change. …


Maggie Rascal

Maggie Rascal is the alter ego of Seattle-area writer M.P. Witwer. Together they create insightful (and sometimes humorous) poetry and prose.

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