First Day Jitters
on my 18th first day of school
Autumn has always been my favourite season. Leaves are turning yellow, orange, and deep red. There’s a crisp bite in the air (it’s perfect tea and sweater weather), and sweet, juicy apples are ready for the picking. Everything is changing in the fall. However, my all-time favourite part about this time of year is that it’s back to school season. I know, NERD ALERT! Back-to-school shopping has always been oddly exhilarating for me. It’s strange, but I get a weird rush walking down the aisles at Staples picking up new erasers, stocking up on A4 printer paper, and reading reviews on new Bic pens (I imagine this is what bungee jumping or dirt biking is like for you adrenaline junkies). A new school year also means a new backpack, a couple of new outfits, and the dreaded back to school “but what if it looks ugly and I hate it and it’s too late to change it?” haircut. I love just about everything that has to do with starting a new school year. Admittedly, the academic aspect of school sometimes got less attention than the social aspect, but I was never a kid who faked sick or skipped class to get out of going to school. In fact, I could often be found hanging out in the halls long after the 3 o’clock bell at a club, practise, or rehearsal. Now that I’m on a whole other side of the first day of school, the high isn’t the same.
All of the things that I learned during my time in teacher’s college left out the hardest part of teaching: the beginning.
My first day of professional full-time teaching is tomorrow and I have absolutely no idea what to expect. All I am sure of is that I’ve got flag in the morning, 5 periods of teaching, and lunchtime duty. Despite having practicum placements throughout my university career, the teacher candidates never had the opportunity to sit in on a class that hasn’t already been previously structured with rules and monitored by an associate teacher. This time is different because I get to make the rules and expectations, negotiate bathroom policy and field trips, and administer all assessments. The new teachers at both campuses have had this past week to prepare for the kids’ arrival. It’s been a frenzy of cleaning, photocopying, and setting up our classrooms (I haven’t got a projector or whiteboard in the drama room yet, but it’s getting there!). I was surprised at how complex it actually is to put up and decorate a bulletin board, and I rearranged desks for half an hour before finally deciding on a seating plan. Between the staff and department meetings, photo day, learning about our grade book, and developing syllabi, I just know that there are ton of things that I am forgetting, missing, and just not understanding. I am learning all the time, even when I don’t think I am. As a student, my work was as simple as showing up. Slogging through checklists, worksheets, and figuring out how to use a laminator (still unsure) made me realize how much I took all the work that teachers do before the school year starts for granted.
The mix of lesson planning and island exploring, jungle running and curriculum writing really got to me, and I had a series of stress-induced panic attacks over the weekend. Thankfully, I have already managed to find an amazing group of teachers here who are caring, supportive, experienced in different fields, educational and otherwise, who I can really look up to and have a couple of beers with. Their mentorship has been so inexplicably reassuring and comforting (I call some of them my school moms), and I am humbled to be able to call them my colleagues. There are teachers at ASB who have been working in education upwards of twenty, even thirty, years who packed up their comfortable lives, homes, jobs, and flew to Bangkok to start all over again. There are teachers who signed a contract at TORF right out of teacher’s college, moved to Thailand, and have been living and working here ever since. And there is just about everyone with any story imaginable (teachers who had to leave a dangerous area, teachers who relocated their entire families here) in-between. Despite all our differences, as Day 1 approaches we are going through similar motions.
This camaraderie and connectedness in chaos creates such a vibrant and richly diverse pedagogical community, which I feel so lucky to be a part of.
This is my first first day, and for some it is their 37th first day. But, after talking with them it seems that the “new school year buzz” never goes away. And neither do the new school year jitters. We have been using the phrase, “we’re in the same boat”, a lot lately — except the boat is on fire and we happen to be sailing on a sea of acid. Even for the most seasoned teaching professional, working at a new school (and in a new country) with different rules and expectations, schedules, staff, and goals is stressful. But it’s nice to know that we’re all floating along together just the same.
The most nervewracking part of the first day (of anything new) is that I will make a poor first impression and the others (in this instance, my students) will not like me. This was my anxiety in Pre-K, at summer camp, in high school, and before starting post-secondary. But this time it’s about more than getting the cool kids to talk to me, or the cute boy to notice me. It’s about getting the 110+ students I’ll see every week in my classes to respect me, or at the very least, listen to me. I must have tried on 6 outfits today trying to find one that says “hi everyone, I’m friendly and knowledgable, but I also know about things that are relevant to you millennials”, but also says, “sit down and shut up” (still don’t know what I am wearing tomorrow). As a student teacher I was at times only one or two years older than some of the students I taught (in one instance I was actually younger than the high school seniors). It could be difficult to get them to take me seriously, and sometimes that made it hard for me to take myself seriously as an educator. Although I am banking on the fact that I will be at least 4 years older than all of my students, I am still trying to find my best balance of personable and professional. Drama teachers encourage this environment of self-expression and sharing which leads to us often being approached by students who want to talk about various problems and obstacles that they are facing. I hope to create a safe space that encourages students to express themselves, but I fear that there is a risk of getting too involved in their personal lives, which in turn, could affect my level of professionalism.
In terms of classroom management strategies, I am still trying to find my fit. I have always liked being known as the “fun” or “chill” teacher whose classroom kids hang out in at lunch or on their spare. I like that students feel comfortable sharing their ideas and struggles with me, and I am always deeply moved when students confide in me. In my experience, if a student thinks you are approachable and funny, they are more likely to take your instruction and advocate for you. Does this mean they will always perform better, stay on task more often, or that they will misbehave less? Unfortunately, not always. As I am thinking about what “type” of teacher I want to be, it’s hard to tell at this point which direction I should go in, especially for the first day. (I use type here to describe the style of my first impression/first lesson). Quirky and awkward a la Zoe Deschanel in New Girl? Maybe spontaneous and wacky like Miss Frizzle, or perhaps artsy fartsy and ethereal like Professor Trelawney. Teaching is so connected to story-telling and performance. My understanding of this makes me feel like I do right before opening night (like throwing up a little). I’ve got my props, I’m a bit off book (but not completely), and I’m hoping that they enjoy the show.
The American School of Bangkok (Green Valley Campus) Presents: Miss Kayla’s 18th first day of school.
There will be sweating, stumbling over names, and a twist ending you’ll never forget!
All this guessing about what the students will be like, what the lunch menu will look like, what I actually have to do during yard duty etc. doesn’t really get me anywhere. What it does do is get me excited about changing, and beginning again; and all the untapped potential in both myself and the incoming students. I know that my first year of teaching will be super stressful, and I know that I am going to make tons of mistakes along the way. But, despite it not being September yet (and it being about 25 degrees hotter than it ever was at this time in Canada), I’ve got that rush again. I feel like I’m back at W.L. Mackenzie, and I’m in grade 9 (probably wearing mismatched socks, converse, and a Roots quarter-zip) scanning the packed hallway for my first science class with Ms. Batras (whom I absolutely loved and adored), getting bumped around a bit and wishing that I had put my glasses on before leaving home. And now I am the teacher waiting in my classroom, a mix of nervous and excited, for the students (who are probably a mix of nervous and excited, or indifferent). And we will be equally unprepared for what is ahead, and we will rock together in that same boat over the acidic sea (hopefully) smiling like I did every autumn.
