On Leaving

or how to avoid goodbyes for as long as possible

TODAY IS THE DAY! Well, my flight leaves at 1:45am on Friday so technically TOMORROW is the day…but TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT that I leave for the airport, and then for Hong Kong with Bangkok as my final destination.

Whenever I travel, I spend a lot of time at airports creating lives, or what I call “backstories”, for people I see: frequent-flying business moguls, families with crying (hopefully sleeping, but often crying) babies in tow, newlyweds on their all-inclusive honeymoon, dread-locked backpackers, and everyone else in-between. I give them names, relationships, and plan out their travel itinerary (Joan and Margo ran into each other at gate 12. Both are waiting for Delta flight QO36 to Nevada where they are attending their 25th high school reunion. To avoid making small talk, Margo calls her kids every twenty minutes. Joan is excited to show off her new nose.) The hardest part about this game is trying not to look too creepy for staring so long.

Airports are one of my favourite places to be because being there usually means you are:

1. Going on a trip (business or pleasure).
2. Arriving home from a trip (this usually means eating a home-cooked meal and bear hugs).
3. Stopping in a new place for a couple hours to stretch your legs between flights (looking at cool things at the Duty Free, paying a ridiculous price for a coffee).
4. Picking a loved one up from a trip (more bear hugs).

But sometimes being at the airport means that you are saying goodbye, and that part is never easy.

I have always been awful with goodbyes, and was reminded of that today when I realized that I haven’t said very many, and I don’t want to/know how to say them tonight.

Jess scribbled down everything we could think of, and insisted I refer to my necklaces as “jewels”. I ran out of room and didn’t pack a towel.

Jess (my childhood best friend and my mother’s unofficial fourth child) and I spent most of last night attempting to shove my clothes, a mix of school appropriate, weekend road trip wear, and beach/poolside attire, into two suitcases. Deciding what to bring with me wasn’t too hard since all my warmer winter clothes had to stay, but was made more difficult because I had to choose just 2 of my coziest sweaters to bring with me (and I am an oversized sweater gal through and through). Cathay Pacific allows for each passenger to have 2 checked bags that weigh up to 50 pounds each. This seemed easy enough until I weighed the first bag and it was over 70 pounds (probably due to my 10 pairs of shoes).

In terms of teaching tools, I chose one from a couple of books I have on teaching drama (the latest edition of Drama Works), and ended up scanning pages and sheets from teacher’s college (mainly on curriculum planning and some on photography) that I found super helpful. There were also a bunch of items that the school required all teachers bring to obtain a work permit, including our original university diplomas. They also recommended that we bring USD to exchange at the airport to buy a Thai SIM card which will be especially useful for contacting real estate agents about condo listings on Saturday. There were a couple of items that weren’t necessities for living in Thailand that I brought anyway: my roughed-up Blundstones, notebooks for journalling, and my Queen’s Con-Ed tam — these all remind me of home.

After moving a bunch of things from one suitcase to the other and ditching some heavier items (goodbye beige turtleneck), my suitcases are good to go! My family and I have taken a number of long trips to visit family in the Philippines, and I’ve been lucky enough to do some travelling (domestically and internationally) on my own as well. Here are some of our long trip packing tips (things mum makes me do any time I get on an airplane):

1. Invest in luggage that is lightweight, secure, easy to roll/move/carry, and adjustable in terms of size (expandable width for extra storage). I went with Samsonite — a little pricey, but reliable, and their suitcases usually come with TSA approved locks.
2. Put a name tag both on (around the handle) and inside your luggage because sometimes people take the wrong bag/bags get lost and they gotta know how to get it back to you.
3. So that people don’t accidentally take your bag off the conveyor, decorate it so that you recognize it, and so they recognize that it isn’t theirs. (My suitcases are decorated with neon orange streamers and cat bag tags. Obnoxious? Yes. But I can spot my bag, even without my glasses on!)
4. When packing, roll your clothes super tight into little fabric burritos. Shove these burritos into every nook and cranny of your suitcase.
5. Remove all unnecessary packaging (boxes, containers). These may not add much weight, but do take up space.
6. Repeatedly ask yourself “do I really need this?”
7. Keep all important travel documents in your carry-on luggage with anything you’d be lost and/or stranded in a foreign country without: credit card, ID, electronics/chargers, prescription medication, water bottle (make sure it is empty or you might have to chug 1.5L before reaching security — this happened to me twice in Vietnam and it was not cute), contact information of the Canadian embassy in the country you’re visiting, or of someone who can help you when you land. I like to keep my travel documents in a plastic folder with my passport, itinerary, and emergency contact information (in this case, the school administrator).
8. Put any small containers of liquid/gel (hand sanitizer, eye drops, toothpaste) into Ziploc bags (easy to see, easy to access, and won’t wreck your stuff if they open and spill in your carry-on or suitcase).
9. Wrap anything breakable in bubble wrap and/or clothing. Try not to bring anything too fragile as suitcases are usually chucked around.
10. Repeat #6 until your suitcase meets the airline’s standards. Anything you can’t bring with you can probably be bought at your destination, or shipped to you at a later date.

Packing, as big of an ordeal as it was for me, was not the hardest part of the trip thus far. I said my first goodbye in a Tim Hortons on Clifton Hill. Another farewell after dinner a few days ago, and one earlier today in a place I call my second home. I leave for the airport in a couple of hours, and despite mum cooking one of my favourite meals, I have no appetite. She’ll definitely be on me soon about not being showered or dressed yet. My mum always does this thing where she triple checks everything (did you bring your phone charger? vitamins? call me AS SOON AS YOU LAND!!), stands next to me in baggage check, and waits at the airport until my plane takes off. In second year she used to insist on taking me to the Mega Bus station, despite the fact that I had already been travelling to and from Kingston for a year. That goodbye is going to be a doozy.

For me, the hardest part of travelling has always been the part when you stand in front of another person, be it a family member, friend, or loved one, and stare at each other knowing what you both have to say, but not being able to say it.

So instead you smile big and hug bigger and start crying until you laugh, or shake hands and say “safe travels”, “you’ll be back before you know it”, “we’ll keep in touch”, “I’ll miss you”, or don’t say anything at all. Preparing for this trip has been mentally taxing for me, and saying goodbye to my family at the gate tonight will be no exception. As I mentioned in my previous post, I am excited to go (and I have finally gotten as physically prepared for the trip as possible), but I have always been awful with goodbyes.

My friend Rob (who writes about his year teaching English in Korea here) commented on my last post, and I found it, as I find a lot of what he shares with me, thoughtful and comforting:

“This step to move out here, to try something new for yourself, to stare deeply at who you are and say “I am enough” will be a fulfilling accomplishment that people seldom have the opportunity to achieve. Because they are too anxious, too afraid. You are both. But you’re doing it anyway.”

It was so nice to see how much love and support I had from those who read my last post. I am always inspired by travellers and wanderers, and I hope that I can help anyone feeling anxious or stressed out about their move abroad. I haven’t been able to reach out/see everyone whom I’ve wanted to chat with, but I think I like it better that way. We don’t need goodbyes because we have the “talk soon’s” and visits and Skype calls. For a long time I have looked at the concept of leaving as an end to something. There has always been something finite and almost official about it. But, as cheesy at it is, leaving also signifies a beginning. A new opportunity, a second chance, or whatever it may be, to start over. And I am anxious, and I am afraid, but I am doing it anyway. And I can’t wait to see where the adventure brings me.