The wild and wacky world of Public School
My son started Special Education/Special Day Class Preschool (SDC) in September 2013. He went to SDC classes at an Elementary School on Tuesdays and Thursdays and he went to a great typical-developing/traditional preschool on Mondays and Wednesdays. I will side step here one second and say that we did find a traditional preschool that was happy to have my son as a part of their class. He had wonderfully sweet and caring teachers who really went above and beyond to help him find his way in the class.
On Mondays and Wednesday my son was so excited for school and every day when I picked him up he was happy and calm. He was the boy that I knew him to be. The teacher even wrote notes about specific things he did that day related to his social interactions and unique progress he was making. It was a relief to finally find a place that fit him so well.
This was a great contrast to when I picked him up from his SDC classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He was always very stressed out and often crying as the children walked out to meet the parents. The SDC teacher would hand him off to me, but she was not able to explain why he was upset or tell me anything about his day, because she had to be focused on getting most of the other children onto the correct bus. She had a class of 10 special needs children and 2 aids. The teacher side of me felt so much empathy for her, because it was clear that her plate was overflowing and she was overwhelmed. This was a very experienced Special Education Teacher and between her IEP meetings, classroom duties, mountains of paperwork, and teaching 10+ children with varying and sometimes contrasting special needs, I felt like she was beginning to burn out. If fact, she said as much at an Open House. I could tell she genuinely cared about all these children very deeply, but she was only human and a person can only take so much.
That is all really beside the point, because my son’s issues had more to do with the public school classroom environment. My son is incredibly afraid of fans, specifically bathroom fans, and loud noises. When there is even mention of him going into a bathroom the anxiety, panic, and sheer terror sets in. I am afraid of bees, and if a bee is buzzing near me, I jump up and run around flapping my hands by my hair and making a complete scene. My sons reaction is that times 100. He has no control over this fear and no amount of rationalizing or talking to him about it lessens this reaction.
Within the first two weeks the teacher decided to tackle his anxiety by carrying him into the bathroom to “desensitize” him “show him that it wasn’t scary.” Unfortunately, this technique backfired, BIG TIME! Because of this one instance he no longer trusted the teachers. If they even asked him a question about anything, “What color is your shirt?” he would spiral into panic mode and it was difficult to bring him back from that. Intensifying this issue was that as a part of the classroom routine all the children were expected to try the potty at least 4 times. So you can imagine, each time they actually did ask him to use the bathroom he totally lost it. We had just potty trained our son, which is a topic for another time, and because of this event he was beginning to “over hold” his potty. He would only go once to three times a day, and one day he went 31 hours without voiding. It was scary and so frustrating. There was nothing I could do; only he could control when he went.
Another problem was that in all the rooms the children used, every bathroom had a loud fan that turned on automatically when the light was on. So whenever a child was using the bathroom, he was distracted and anxious about the sound. Along with the loud fans, there were constant announcements over the intercom and recess bells going off- all things that triggered his anxiety. It was no wonder my son was a nervous wreck by the end of the day.
Around late November I started to wonder aloud to my husband if we should take him out of SDC. It seemed to be setting him back, rather than helping him progress. Every other day he was so full of anxiety and begging not to go to school and then on Mondays and Wednesday he was excited for school, calm and content. When you see that, is seems that the obvious decision would be to take him out of SDC. But he was getting all of his services- Speech and OT- at the school. We had not yet started ABA therapy and we decided that it would be a bad idea to take him out of the only services he was getting. When we had our parent-teacher’s conference, I told the teacher that I didn’t think that the public school environment was good for my son. I told her that it seemed to limit his abilities, because he was constantly anxious and in panic mode. I said that I was considering homeschooling him or finding a different type of school for him once he entered Kindergarten. Surprisingly, she looked around to make sure the door was closed and told me “I have to be very careful, because I could lose my job for saying this. You have good instincts about your son. Everything you have done with him up to this point has been right on. I would completely support you in that decision. Do your homework and make sure you know what you are getting into. That is all I can say.” It felt good to be validated, but it made me wonder even more if I should take him out of SDC now.
Then finally in January, the ABA therapy started. My son was prescribed 15 hours of therapy a week, which amounted to 3 hours a day. That is 3 wonderful hours of one on one therapy for my boy. The problem was that the public school was not allowing the therapist to work with him in the school. I understand this from a teacher’s point of view- you don’t want some new person coming in and messing with your classroom to give special attention to one child. From a parent’s stand point I was frustrated, especially since most of his anxiety issues were taking place at SDC.
After the ABA director observed my son and interacted with him at the traditional preschool, she told me “Just by walking into the class I would not have guessed that your son was on the spectrum. I thought it was a different child.” This made me feel even more like he was in the wrong environment at SDC. After talking to the director about my concerns with SDC and thoughts of taking him out, she told me that she thought it would be a good idea to take him out of SDC. She encouraged me to I enroll him four days a week in the traditional preschool, where he would have a therapist working with him for three hours each day. I made my decision in that instant.
I wrote an email to the teacher, explaining that I appreciated everything she had done for my son, but I didn’t think public school was a good environment for him and I was taking him out of Special Day Class. When I went to pick him up from school the next day, the teacher pulled me over to the side and said that she was shocked and a little hurt by our choice. I assured her that it had nothing to do with her as a teacher and that I just thought my son would do better without bells, fans, and speakers constantly disrupting him. I felt bad, but I just wanted my son to be free of the anxiety and panic interfering with something that he loved- school.
I met with the IEP team and we decided that the speech therapist would still work with my son for 30 minutes a week to monitor and support his progress. The therapist offered to come to his traditional preschool to do the therapy, which was absolutely wonderful. That meant that she would actually see his progress, because he would not be stunted by the anxiety and panic from the public school environment.
At this moment, we have the perfect support system in place for my son and his progress has been absolutely phenomenal since we made the switch. He has two ABA therapists working with him on alternating days at school and on Fridays we have in-home therapy session. Plus he still is connected with the school system and is receiving speech therapy in an environment where he is comfortable and able to be himself.
Mama never knows- After going to school to be an elementary teacher and work in a public school. I would have never thought that I would actually take my own child out of public school. I never imagined that I would ever consider homeschooling my child, but at this point, that is the train that we are on.
