6 Keys to Be Joyful Even When Your Heart Hurts
Happiness is forty percent intentional actions. Although you have a certain set point and your own life circumstances, it has been researched and concluded that happiness can be increased by the choices you make. By taking the intentional actions in my new book Yogalosophy for Inner Strength, you can almost double your joy. If you are in a place where you are going through heartbreak, grief from a loss or any kind of difficult transition in life, here are 6 steps that you can take to start your healing process.
1. SURRENDER TO YOUR PAIN
That’s right. Surrender. Let it hurt. As painful as it is to do, allowing yourself to feel all the feelings will hurt less that trying to block them off and avoid your pain. I should know; I have tried to build walls, avoid and push through. Each time I resisted feeling, I created more suffering. Accepting your circumstances and feelings are really the answer to your problems. Being human is not for the faint-hearted, but diving in to the feeling and sensation of your emotions can actually be quite cathartic and pleasurable. Our feelings are a vital part of life and even a well of grief is connection to humanity that cultivates compassion and allows growth that can sustain you, even in the darkest of times.
2. MOVE A MUSCLE, CHANGE A THOUGHT
You cannot think your way out of your circumstance, but when you move your body, it moves pent up emotional energy. Whenever I get physical and challenge myself, all of my energy gets moved into my physical body and towards the task at hand. I become engaged in the present moment and all of my worries seem to evaporate. I am left with an empty mind and an openness. I cannot tell you how many times I have showed up to my yoga mat, or a spinning class, or out on a nature hike in the worst mood, and by the end of an hour of being in my body, breathing deeply and moving, I had incredible insights and my problems seemed to shrink. If you want movement in your life, move your body.
3. EAT FOR HAPPINESS
In the short-term, a quick sugar fix or childhood comfort food might seem like a good way to numb the pain, but there is a different kind of comfort and nurturing that you can get by feeding your body with foods that have a nourishing effect on your body and your heart heath. For years, I struggled with eating disorders as a way to numb out and manage my large emotions. Stopping at the doughnut shop on my way to McDonald’s for some French fries seems like a good idea. So did roasting marshmallows over my stove. But it only allowed me to escape until I came crashing down from my sugar high. It was only later, in my 30’s, that I recognized this habit. I have learned to hydrate my body, so I sip water throughout the day to regulate my metabolism and to aid my digestion. I calculate my body’s weight and then drink at least half that number in ounces. (So if you weigh 150 lbs., that’s 75 ounces of water.) I add a green vegetable juice to my daily routine to insure that my blood is receiving the vital nutrients to stay purified, plus this counts for at 2 of my at least 5 servings of vegetables for the day. I also make sure to factor in a treat daily. I make it a healthy treat, like dark chocolate or a substantial salad with all the colors of the rainbow and a juicy piece of wild salmon. When I give myself foundational nutrition, my moods seem to even out. Even if they don’t, I still feel better.
4. SLOW DOWN
We are taught in our culture to accomplish more, to push past our edge and to be our best selves. The natural ebb and flow of cycles in nature show us differently. Everything in nature is planted by a seed, needs support to grow, has a period of vitality and blooming, and then dies. Only to return again. Death or endings are part of nature’s cycles. You are an expression of nature. Allow your periods of release, transition, or ending. Take time to ground yourself by meditating, taking walks in nature, or simply by taking some things off of your to-do list. Life is a series of letting go. Each time that we enter into a period like that, we enter into a gestation period for something new to emerge. You really can’t force that, so stop comparing yourself to everyone in the world who is being so productive and slow down.
5. REACH OUT TO OTHERS
Give and receive hugs. Join a group yoga class. Help a friend in need. Even when you are down, helping others can lift your spirits. You don’t have to do much. Something as simple as a smile, a hug or listening is very healing. In recent studies, it has been proven that intentional actions can increase our happiness by 40 percent, and that one of the most effective actions that one can take is making someone else feel good. This is something to keep in mind when you are feeling down. Give what you would like to receive.
6. LIVE IN THE MYSTERY
The more I allow life’s plan to unfold, the more trust I build in the mystery that is life. Just when I think that I couldn’t feel any worse, and I am gifted yet another chance at joy, I feel like I am opening a present and that I am reborn again. Nobody knows the right way for you. No matter what advice is out there, your internal compass and the life that unfolds for you is the best teacher. Take a deep breath and be willing to open your heart to the mystery.
To learn more, you can check out my newest book Yogalosophy for Inner Strength, on sale May 10: http://sealpress.com/books/yogalosophy-for-inner-strength/
