My seven year old recently exclaimed how amazing it would be if I loaded Candy Crush onto my phone.
That day, her teacher, for whatever reason, was showing the class something on her iPad, when, like birds of prey, the kids zeroed in on a brightly colored icon. A chorus erupted apparently, declaring versions of; “Candy Crush! Oh cooool. That’s on my mom’s/dad’s/brother’s/sister’s/granny’s phone.”
My awareness of Candy Crush up to this point had been pretty much zilch. To me, was the domain of bored subway riders, smartphone obsessed teenagers, and writers sitting at computers trying to avoid actual writing. But like many things foisted upon our daily consciousness, I started noticing it everywhere. Soon I was leaning over the shoulders of bus passengers peering into their phones, fascinated by the bright little sweets and fast moving fingers. Then a recent edition of New Scientist discussing Candy Crush addiction grabbed my attention.
Ludic loops are to blame apparently. We channel our precious resources (time, brain power, hard earned money) into a pattern forming game which then gives us feedback in the form of flashing lights, berserk activity, and random rewards. This creates feelings of mastery. The impression that we have cracked the game. That we are invincible. Or so the explanation goes. With all this pleasure exploding in our brains, we continue up the levels, being sucked back into the ludic loops again and again. Which is why apparently it is highly addictive. Half a billion users worldwide and counting. It is the behavioral cocaine of the masses.
And so it occurred to me that parenting is pretty much the same. We channel our precious resources (time, emotions, hard earned money) into the daily pattern of child rearing and just when we feel burnt out by the routine of cooking, laundry, homework, random parenting rewards explode into our day. Our children say or do something deliciously beautiful and at that moment, to us there is no one on earth as cute, clever, or lovable. Our parenting brains explode with joy, happiness and deep satisfaction. “I’m crushing it here,” we think as our emotions do happy dances inside our bodies. Why else do so many of us update social media with quotes from our children, or pictures they’ve drawn, or clips from a ballet recital? We are convinced they are amazing.
And the truth is that they are amazing, and can make us feel amazing. Parenting can also make us feel crap, but the amazing feelings usually linger longer, masking the difficulties we all face. Which is why we are hooked. Which is why parenting is totally addictive. Which is why we keep on getting pregnant. Children really are the ludic loops of our lives. The Candy Crush of the survival of our species.
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