Fade in, start the scene.
Well, here i am. Its been a long winding road leading up to this point. Just a 26 year old woman, sitting in front of her laptop, about to embark on what just may be the scariest, yet most freeing journey of her life. Who knows? Shall we find out?
I have been dealing with varying degrees of depression and anxiety all through my adult life, and although I didn't realise it at the time, through many years of my childhood. I could attempt to tell you some long winded, tear jerking story of how awful my childhood was or reel off a list of all the terrible things that have happened in my life, but the truth of the matter is, I had a great childhood. And sure some unpleasant things have taken place over the years but I've had no more shit to deal with than the average person, however depression has plauged my life. In my relationships, work, even normal daily tasks become a huge challenge. Barriers rise at every turn, dispelling any hope of living a normal happy life.
Depression is an illness. A serious one. One that carries a stigma, one that is hard to shake. It is misunderstood and underestimated. After too many years of anguish, I have a new found determination to beat this horrid condition. No longer will I allow my life to be run by anxiety and fear. I plan to dish the dirty little secret that is depression, and in doing so I hope and pray, that I will find some release from the pain I endure each day. Not only that, I want to ensure everyone else out there who is inflicted by depression as I am, that they are not alone. Support is out there and it is everywhere. You just need to reach out for it.
Recently I have been suffering with one of my worst periods of depression. Constant self doubt, rock bottom self esteem, self hatred, persistent feelings of guilt, worry and restlessness, are just a few of the things I deal with on a daily basis. I could be here all day with this, but these are but a few of a the issues and topics I want to express here on Manic Progression. I want to create a little world here. A world where depression is the hot topic, where those inflicted can see that there are others who feel the same as they do, and perhaps find some comfort in knowing they aren't alone.
Up until very recently, I have been somewhat of a closed book when it comes to talking about my problems. I’m more of the keep calm and carry on type. I’d pretty much rather stick pins in my eyes than have a chat about what ails me. Not a good idea. I now know just how damaging that is, to you and those around you. It can destroy relationships and wreck your performance at work, thus leading to endless other things to play on your mind and add to your depression. You forever suppress these thoughts and feelings. You make vague attempts at improving your well-being, perhaps a new workout or eating regime, increased effort at work or in your social life or even some drastic life decision. You feel better for a while but it doesn't last long, and the same thoughts and feelings come slowly creeping back into view. You find yourself back in that state of both emotional and physical pain, and so the endless circle continues, ever constant, ever painful.
I’m here to break that cycle. For you and for me. I've decided to go on a journey and I invite you along with me. It may be rough, and by the sounds of it its going to be mushy and cheesy as hell, but hey, this is uncharted waters for me and going with the flow here is pretty much all I've got. I’ll be aiming to post each day, documenting my days as one with clinical depression and anxiety, talking about the factors that exist all around us that may or may not contribute to the well-being of the human mind, sharing my tips and tricks to living with depression, plus anything else I may think of on the way. I’ll also be creating the Manic Progression YouTube channel. I have gained a lot of wisdom from various youtubers who have been brave enough to share their own stories with the world, and have been inspired to follow in their foot steps. So watch this space, Its sure to be an interesting, bumpy, and even perhaps, enlightening ride.
Before I sign off for the first time, I want to direct your attention to a video I came across on YouTube. It pretty much hits the nail on the head, it’s a short video that sums up depression quite vividly, and if you are not a sufferer of depression and are here simply to educate yourself, perhaps you have a friend or relative who is going through a bad time and you want learn more so you can be there for them, watch this video. It will give you a taste of what we live with each and every day. Its by CallMeKat and is simply titled Living with Depression.
So here I go, signing off for the first time. Thank you so much for reading, and remember we can do this, depression can be beaten and together we can do it, nay, WE WILL DO IT! Ciao you lovely people, until next time.