Leaping Into the Unknown.
Living with depression and anxiety is a bitch. It hinders us from carrying out and enjoying the most basic of daily tasks, and rips away any hope of living a full, well rounded life. But what gets me the most, is the absence of excitement and adventure in life. The monotonous and simple nature of my life has become just too much to bear, so a little over a month ago I made a decision, one that would, hopefully, change my life forever.
What brought me to that decision was a series of events, culminating to one pivotal, and frightening point. Imagine, if you will, a broken women. Heavy with regret, despair and sadness, ready to pull the plug as it were, and end it all.
I had set a goal for myself years ago, I wanted a career, a home of my own, marriage, the good wife life. And after years of hard work, I finally had it all, everything I thought I wanted, baring the ring on my finger, but I was so sure that was just around the corner. But was i happy? No. Depression and anxiety still gripped me everyday. Physical sickness, loss of appetite and inability to sleep are just a few symptoms I faced every day. I was killing my partner slowly and couldn’t bare to do that anymore. So i decided that was it, enough is enough and im just too tired to carry on. I wrote a note, pulled out a knife, ran a bath and got myself ready. Ready to leave it all. Then something happened, im not quite sure what, but it was as though i had been slapped in the face. I threw the knife away and realised something drastically needed to change. I sat down with my partner and explained everything, and that’s the conversation that led to this decision. This desicion to leave it all behind, pack up my life and travel the world.
So that’s exactly what i did. My partner and I have separated, much to my despair and his relief im sure, and in the space of a month I quit my job, packed up my life and left my home country of England to travel, find myself and my happiness. How more drastic can you get? If this doesn’t sort me out, nothing will. Am I scared? You bet I am. Terrified I think would be more apt. The unknown has always been such a big fear of mine, and here I am leaping headfirst into it. I need to face my fears and get comfortable with the uncomfortable. I need to explore, educate myself, meet new people and find new and exciting experiences. I need to find what is lost in my life, and myself.
So here I sit, in a beautiful house in bluebird canyon California, with possibly the best person I could be with right now. Larrie and I met in college years ago, and she is the exact opposite of me. Confident, outgoing, lover of the unknown, and all round amazing person. And she is exactly what I need right now. Someone to ruffle my feathers and bring out the wild child in me. I couldn’t do this without her and I am so thankful to have her.
So, I invite you all to follow me on my journey. There are bound to be many ups and downs, and most likely a few tears.
Wish me luck and join me as a leap into unknown.