(11) 30 Minutes Left to Write

This is the closest I’ve gotten to not writing 100 words for the day. It was a disgustingly lazy day. The weather sucked so I stayed in and binged watched “Master of None.” The entire season 2. Excellent. It really showed the importance of diversity in story telling. Aziz Ansari and Alan Yang brilliantly told stories that otherwise would not have been heard. I plan to write about it in my next article, but there is no way I can do it justice in 30 minutes.

So I’m writing about whatever is on my mind before I go off to bed. Part of me wonders how long I’ll suck at this. How long I’ll feel like all my writing is crap. I wonder why I don’t have it together. I wonder if anyone will read this.

This challenge has been difficult — more so than I thought. I already feel like I’m running out of steam and it’s been 11 freaking days. I have insights but they’re shitty. I want to be brilliant but I feel like I’m just complaining. I guess I’m just being honest. I’m being vulnerable. Today is not a good day creatively.

But I’m here, writing. I won’t stop. Days like this are to be expected. If anyone is reading and feels like giving up, don’t. Even if you wait until 11:39 PM (metaphorically speaking), you still have time to make your dreams come true. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. I like the sound of that but I’m not sure if it’s true. I guess sounding true and being true ain’t the same thing. Ain’t that the truth?

But does anyone care? Good writers can make them the same thing.

Whatever. I feel like one of those people I’ve judged my whole life — over sharing narcissistic streams of consciousness for the world to laugh at. Perhaps I am. I feel crazy doing this but I’m going to keep going. Once again, I have to get comfortable getting thoughts from my head to the paper. It’s scary, it’s uncomfortable, but I’m doing it. I’m here.

The editing can come later. But you won’t have anything to edit if you’re too afraid to do this. So I’m here (yes, you’ve said that). I’m doing it. Here’s to writing and life and not being afraid. I think I am crazy. I’ll embrace it.

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