Getting to know the (my) world.
The world is a big place. And I know you know this, but it is surprising how easily we tend to forget it. Maybe this is a self-defence mechanism for the fact that we are just thrown into this big world from the day we are born and are expected to make the best out of it. That is quite a task. I had been wanting to explore this big, wide world for quite a long time and it was just a year ago that I had to opportunity to get out of my well-known-and-trusted comfort zone and do it the “proper way”. Today I am about to finish my Film MA in the UK and it has been quite a year.
I felt like writing about this mainly because one of the decisions I made was to disconnect myself from all that I knew back home, and as a consequence, I have failed to keep in touch with most of the people there (but this doesn’t mean I don’t love you!) Therefore writing this would be a nice way to tell them/you what’s been going on with my life as well as sharing my learnings and “adventures”. To begin with, “getting to know the world” became equal to “getting to know myself”. I think that most learning has not been these big, enlightened revelations about the meaning of life while a rainbow and Mufasa appear telling me I should go back to Pride Rock and be king. As cliché as it sounds, it has been about the little things. And since I am already writing one big-ass dissertation in a “what-tries-to-be-poetic” way I will cut me some slack and have it the easy way of listing some of them:
My Master • What a concept! But I have actually learned a lot from my studies, unexpectedly in ways I didn’t think I would, which is on itself part of the learning. I came here with quite a fixed idea of what I imagined a Film Master would teach me, but when you think about it, why get taught something you already “know”? The way I learned the most was by keeping an open mind and, foremost, accepting that I am very far from “knowing it all”. Seriously, Socrates knew what he was saying with “I only know that I know nothing” and that’s the only way of actually getting to know something at all.
Writing • I am in love with language and communication of any kind and what I love the most about it is how complex it can be. Surprisingly I have defeated the fear I had of writing and learned how to do it (sort of) properly. Most of all, learning to write has been more of a learning to share my thoughts and ideas, and feeling confident about the fact that they are worth uttering. This takes more practice than you would think. It is easy to believe that “other people” are the ones with enough knowledge and validity to do so, but working on it has made me realise that this is precisely what gives you the knowledge and validity. Which brings me to…
Being a Woman• I swear to God. I was the kind of person usually annoyed by feminism and how “ridiculous a discussion it can be” and, I’m sorry to say this but it is true. If feminism still has a long way to go in the world, this is even more the case for Mexico (which is the only other country I can give an opinion on). I was incredibly surprised to know that there are actual University courses on gender studies. And it is only now that I understand how embracing parts of who you are and learning about their place in the world takes actual learning, information and openness.
Big city - Small town • Moving from Mexico City (8.9 million population) to Canterbury (55,240 population) was one BIG difference I DID NOT expect. Probably it was dumb not to, but it is the kind of thing you don’t realise is a big deal until you live it. And maybe it isn’t for other people but it was for me. Like everything in life it has had it’s pros and cons. The Good: I love being able to walk everywhere, never having to deal with CDMX’s hellish traffic. I see nature, trees, bunnies, ducks, dogs and blue skies every day, which makes me so happy and calm. Life is not in a daily hurry, you actually get to enjoy it (just imagine!). The Bad: When you get this kind of perspective you also get to notice things that are not as nice. It got clear to me that job opportunities in a small town are fewer than in big cities. So sometimes it feels like choosing between life quality or a “big career”. I also get why it is not an easy task specially for young people looking to have a jump start on fulfilling a career while surviving in the attempt. How much everybody is worried about it is evident. The Ugly: I discovered I had never really experience boredom and it is hell. Sometimes it takes courage and effort to overcome it and find your own reasons to get out of bed when the (sometimes shallow) entertainment you were used to having is no longer there.
Making friends & family away from friends & family • For being where I am now I had to move to a whole other continent all on my own, and I don’t regret it. In a world where we have to constantly watch our backs, looking to be your own person, all on your own and away from the safety net you have always had guarding you, can be daunting, but it also can make you a much kinder and more solidary person. As you struggle to build something for yourself, you appreciate the struggle that other people can be going through as well; knowing how much you’d appreciate the help motivates you to give it yourself. All of a sudden I became a foreigner, something I had never been before since I had always been home. And by home I mean not only “in Mexico” but home with the people I’ve known all my life and that would always love me and protect me. Although I miss everyone back in Mexico so much, it has been amazingly warming to discover you can extend your family as much as you chose to do so. The Dalai Lama once said:
We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.
I agree. In more than one way this is true and I could go on and on about it, but for the point I’m trying to make here I’ll just add: at the end, we cannot have human affection if we don’t give human affection.
Something for my skin • On this note, and returning to truthful clichés; we often hear the phrase “You can’t love anybody if you don’t love yourself”, but how to love somebody if you don’t know who they are on the first place? So, who am I? Am I my family’s history? Am I the achievements I’ve had? Am I the mistakes I’ve made? Am I the way I look? Am I a woman? Am I a student? Am I a graphic designer or a film scholar? Right now I can say I am not the same person I was 12 months ago; am I now and forever the new me? I believe I will keep always changing somehow so, is there a way to know who or what I am? This search, not only from September 2015 but years before that, has made me believe that there is. David Foster Wallace puts it this way:
You are what you love. No? You are, completely and only, what you would die for without, as you say, the thinking twice. (p. 107)
I believe this is true, if you are anything at all it is what you give your life for or to. You are what you love, and there is no end to what or how much one can love.
