Do we love the same with 18 and 28?
The question that made me think and ask, and find out what is that we are looking for in love at age of 18 and what we are looking at age of 28, and in the end can we use something from out teens to find love faster in our late 20s.
Sitting on a Wednesday night in crowded Old Town of Zadar, Croatia with two of my friends just soaking summer to the fullest, Marija asked “Do you girls think we love the same way when we are 18 and when we are 28?”. I stopped for a second, that was a good question and I already had an answer, but I still asked her what does she mean. She continued “do we look for the same things in men when we are 18 and when we are 28?, because when we are 18 we don`t care what he does and what future he dreams of, but when we get older these things become so important”
And she was right. It becomes important. What he does, what his job is, what schools he went to, what are his hobbies, does he love cats or dogs, it all goes onto our “Pros&Cons” list. Her question stuck with me for days. Even do I know the answer I wondered where that pure form of “I just like him the way he is” was gone? That pure form of liking and loving someone for his true self without all the baggage. And can we go back to that at all after certain age.
I started to dig deep for answers and decided to first make a list of things that were important to me when I was 18 and list that is important now. For my 18 years old I had to find my old diary and read a lot to figure this one out, but here are the lists:
18 year old me on love:
1. taller than me
2. Pretty (by my standard which was olive “mediterranean” skin, light eyes, six-pac)
3. Athlete
4. Big smile, funny
I didn't ask for much, and I was really satisfied with my list and at that time I thought I got it all figure out and I will find the perfect guy back then. I can distinctly remember the day all of that changed. I was dating a boy that lived in a different city and I traveled for the weekend to see him. Spend few days with him and came back home. Traveled all morning, came to class and straight to my student job at concert hall. He did not call me or text me, not even to check did I arrived home safe. And that broke my heart only to experience a breakthrough. I realized I`m not important to him, that he is not in love with me and that I`m very low on his list of priorities. That realization changed everything. I deleted the list I had before and started to work on a new one. I have added and moved some points from the list but right now, at my sweet age of 28 this is what my list looks like:
28 years old me
1. Smart and educated
2. Amazing social intelligence
3. Well traveled
4. Understanding and supporting
5. Faithful and full of faith
6. Religious or very understanding of my religious life
7. Ready to lead me spiritually and support emotionally
8. Emotionally strong
9. He is happy with his job
10. Sees into the future and has good plans for future
11. Good family and good family foundation
12. Healthy and ready to work on himself
13. Always learning and developing
14. Love animals and if it is possible to be vegetarian or vegan
As you can see, my list from 28 years old me is bit long and unrealistic but it is my dream. And I`ve been changing and adding things to the list for the past 2 years. It is hard to find all of the qualities in one man, but I always go with “have as many as you can”. Also there are some that are MUST HAVE and without them our relationship would be a big NoNo. Must haves are:
1. Educated
2. Always learning and developing
3. Understanding and Supporting
4. Emotionally strong
5. Sees into future and makes plans for the future
Writing the list is the best thing in seeing how you evolved since 18. And what has changed. The love does not becomes more complicated with age, nor we ask for too much and have unrealistic expectations, but we get to know ourselves so well, that we learn what kind of person can make us happy. And what makes me happy is good chemistry and the fact we can sit next to each other and do our own thing, but still feel love to the fullest. To be sure we trust and love each other and not to feel like I have to work extra hard to keep him. It all comes so natural, and love is just flowing and overflowing us.
I do hope this helped you a bit. Make your own list and send it to me. I want to be inspired and see what do we have in common.
Love,
xoxo Mareta xoxo
