“What, Mother is Dead?”
How to tell a person with Dementia about death in the family.
How do you help a person with dementia grieve?
I was sitting in the lobby of an assisted living residence when a resident met his son at the door, hugged him, and asked, “Where’s Mother?”
“Mom’s dead, Dad,” said the son. “She died three days ago. Don’t you remember?”
“What, mother died?” he said, grief and panic written on his face.
Less than a minute later, he asked again. “Where’s Mother?”
“Dad, she’s dead. You sat next to me at the funeral. Don’t you remember?” This time from the daughter-in-law.
“What, she’s dead?” Again, his face was a mask of grief.
I wanted to stop the son and say, “No, he doesn’t remember, and your reminding him is making him face the news of her death again and again. Can’t you see that?””
Of course, it is easy for me to give advice. I am not the son who has just lost a parent, and whose living parent cannot even comprehend it. I wondered, how do you tell a person with dementia about the a death in the family? How do you help a person with dementia grieve?
