The power the mind has when stress creeps in
Before I dive in, let me introduce myself. My name is Margo. I am a full time photography and design student in my senior year, I have a full time job in a medical office, I have a part time gallery internship on the weekends, I work part time at school, and I somehow get all my homework done too…ok..most of the time. Did I mention I am also 28? Yep, 28.
The last couple years of my life have been a little crazy. When a lot of your good friends move away and graduate while you are still that adult in college with everyone that is much younger, finding friends isn’t as easy. At school, I have started to keep to myself more often. I mean, not that I WANT to, but I feel like I’m at a place where I don’t really fit in with the people surrounding me. Which is why I am so thankful for the people I’m meeting on social media lately. Although not in person, this community I’m getting is actually helping my depression more than people surrounded in person.
Last night, I was in the open lab at school when a few of them were not helping, not encouraging, and not caring about my progress on where I am with my senior thesis. Instead, the faces, the reactions, the questions, were more like taunting me for not being where they were. Of course some of these students don’t need full time jobs yet, they don’t have the stress of all the bills I have. Yes, even at their age I know they have responsibilities and work loads as well. But with the work load at school, they find themselves around the software and technology at school all day, where I unfortunately right now have limited time and am expected to stay up late every night and lose hours of sleep. It’s not easy.
With that, lately…stress has been at a full time high. I am not one to be angry very often at all. But when I went to school last night, I saw where the progress was with others vs. mine. That’s where it began where they were being more intrusive and judging my progress in a way of almost taunting like i said above. So what did I do? I said words I have never said very loud in that building to a whole lab of people, walked out and saw my teacher (mind you this was around 9pm after a LONG day) and he mentioned my face was red and why. I also said choice words to him that I would never say to a professor. I was mad, angry, upset, and the words spat out in full force. There was no stopping them.
I left, walked out the building holding back the emotions, and got in my car and I lost it. I haven’t cried like that in a long time. And it continued for probably a couple hours. It wouldn’t stop. I was still so angry. What gives them the right to say any of that. It just took one friend and one word. Breathe. That’s all. So I breathed through the tears and the hurt. Sitting in my apartment and I just started cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning everything! ( I guess that’s my personal therapy?)
I finally got to a point where I sat down, went through snapchat stories, worked on my homework, and got a lot done. So although I could have stayed hurt all night, I got up from that pit, and started working. So maybe what they did was in a strange way, good. Although the next time I walk into school will be a bit awkward.
But at the end of the day, with everything, our mind is the most powerful organ in our body. And it’s up to us how we control it. “Mind over matter.” And to be so hurt by people at school, I have to toughen up and realize how it’s going to be when I get an actual job in this field. I can’t just get angry, spew angry words out, and leave the room to go home knowing if I stayed any longer they would see me burst out in tears. That cannot happen. It woke me up to realize I need to get back into a routine that can control stress.
So here’s my first medium post. Not sure how well I did on this. But I’m sure the next one will be better.
The end :)