Author Spotlight January 2020: Ada Calhoun/Why We Can’t Sleep
4 min readJan 7, 2020
Q: Before researching Gen X, did you see evidence in the typical generational differences?
A: Well, I had a sneaking suspicion that being latchkey kids and watching so much TV had done something to us but I wasn’t sure quite what that was until I started looking at the research!
Q: What are three solid steps that Gen X’ers can take to improve their lives overall?
A: 1) Start a club with other women (perhaps a Midlife Crisis Book Club with this book as a first selection?). That way you’re guaranteed positive social interactions around a shared interestonce a month. 2) Find a good gynecologist, ideally one who is a NAMS-certified menopausepractitioner or who understands hormones. 3) Come to terms with how high and unrealistic ourexpectations were and how little support we were given. Let go of any shame around where we “should” be by now. Therapy might be necessary for this one.
Q: How can Gen Xer’s realistically boost their hiring status in a workforce entrenched in ageism? How do we get employers to value the unique attributes that Generation X bring to the table?
A: I had one CEO tell me she hires Gen X women for all her toughest jobs. “They are the best,” she said. “They can have six screens open at once and not miss a thing. They’re not crybabies. They’re capable. They will work long and hard for you. They have zero sense of entitlement. They hold people accountable and they speak up.” So I think find an employer like that! If you can’t find one, maybe see if you can find a way to be self-employed and be your own Gen-X-enthusiast boss.
Q: The existential despair you describe in the book is one of the most gut-wrenching and isolating experiences a Gen X woman can go through yet most of us do so completely alone. How have you managed this particular phenomenon in your own life? What would you suggest to others to help overcome it?
A: Oof, I know. I was going through it when an editor called and asked me to write about it, and thank God she did. If she hadn’t, I don’t think I would have ever known how common my experience was, and I wouldn’t have been able to write this book to share that information with other women in this spot. It is so essential to talk with other women in an honest way. I’ve been so happy to hear from women that this book helped them have frank, healing conversations about their marriages, their money, and their dreams. I’ve also been happy to hear that they’ve given it to their partners and their Boomer mothers and their Millennial kids as a way to say, like, “Your daughter/wife/mother hasn’t lost her mind. This is what’s going on with me.”
Q: If Gen Xer’s are a “straight-line bridge” between two bigger generations and we provide that significant link, why does it appear we have been trespassed and walked over yet remain so underappreciated?
A: I think Gen X women in particular had to be really mature from a young age and got used to being just head-down, keep working, plow ahead. I hope the book provides a moment for some real reflection, a time-out from thinking that if we could only work hard enough we can get it all done and figure it all out. Working more doesn’t always fix everything.
Q: The book mentions choices being only on aspect of the story of our lives and how they are shaped. Context is the other unmentioned but critical ingredient. Do you believe the “bill of goods” we have been sold during our lives has caused us irreparable damage when we arrive at a point in time and nothing promised has come to pass in spite of careful planning?
A: I don’t think it’s irreparable! I think it’s liberating and empowering to learn that there were forces at work against you and that if you’re not 100% satisfied and fulfilled at this age it’s probably not because you’re not smart enough or hard-working enough or haven’t done enough Pilates.
Q: I have always believed that Gen Xer’s are the grittiest and most resilient of all of the generations. Perhaps being one myself and being married to one as well, I am biased. What do you see are our three best traits and how can we successfully pass these on to our children in an uncertain world?
A: As a generation, we’re hard-working, independent, and have an excellent (if often rather dark) sense of humor. I think if we can appreciate those traits in ourselves we can encourage them in our kids!
