How Not to Hate Your Husbands after Kids

Title: How Not to Hate Your Husbands after Kids

Author: Jancee Dunn

Publication Date: March 21, 2017

Marital Spate May Lead to Hate

Marital relationships after kids take a hit, a really big hit. In most cases no one even bothers to tell you it’s coming. Personally, I fantasized about killing my husband in his sleep after our first child was born so sleep deprived and hormonally unbalanced was I.

In Beyond Mars and Venus by John Gray showcases the sexes’ hormonal differences and how to maximize our best hormonal states in order to improve romantic relationships between the genders. Dunn adds to the conversation with How Not to Hate Your Husbands after Kids by throwing kids into the mix. I mention both books together because I read them simultaneously and it gave me a fortified perspective on what it takes to maintain solid marital relations across all pertinent categories. However, I did find research discrepancies between the two books For example, Gray makes the argument that housework is best completed primarily by the woman and that fairly splitting it causes men to end up too far on their feminine side which ultimately hurts the relationship while Dunn’s research seems to point to the best scenario being a more equitable split. Who’s right?

I’m afraid that there is a fair amount of trial and error to find what really works in our own unique relationships so take what you read with some healthy skepticism.

Drawing from a number of experts, not just in marital relations but also feminist ideals and organization (physically organized living spaces have a huge impact on marital health), Dunn cobbles together a happy home life narrative in which she willingly and at times not-so willingly makes herself and her spouse experimental guinea pigs. Through the expertise of others as well as the always useful and delightful-to-read anecdotal case studies of her family and peers, she pinpoints the marital pitfalls that become overwhelmingly intensified once kids or even a kid enter the picture. She then attempts to diffuse the ever present damage done by utilizing a number of tried and true tools and techniques that all need to be in regular rotation and practiced daily in order to make any kind of headway.

Dunn’s self-deprecating brand of humor lightens up the heaviness of this huge load called marriage and raising kids. She is a trouper, a good spot, and seems like an all-around fun kind of girl.

What it takes to build a healthy marriage cannot be overstated. It takes a Herculean effort and monumental consistency to maintain it. Read this book, laugh along at the relevancy in your own relationships, and hopefully use the information as it was intended them better. I need to take my own advice too.

BRB Rating: Read It


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