I wish you were here, tonight. When everything’s trembling apart. When doubts come at night making me feel like everything I’ve done and everything I am is numb. When my insecurities eat me alive because I couldn’t keep you, or maybe because I never really had you. When I ask myself why on Earth doesn’t anyone stay. Just stay. When I miss the sound of your voice or the way you said my name. When the actual stars don’t really amaze me because your eyes had a bigger impact on my whole sky than the moon or sun itself. When I need your body pressed against mine, because that’s actually all I really want to feel right now. And that is all that’s ever going to make me feel safe. When I drive through the places we used to go and rather go the other way around than be forced to see that specific spot and feel panic, hysteria, dismay, because you’re not there. Because maybe you never really were. When I can’t force my smile no more, not even with the people I love the most. When talking about anything else feels dull and pathetic because it ain’t about you, and the conversation is not with you. When I don’t feel pretty enough or smart enough or good enough, but suddenly I remember that I never felt that way when I was with you. When I realize that I was more in love with the idea I had of you than the real you. When I start developing all kinds of preconceptions and questions with no actual answer because the only single person that can give them to me is you. When the whole world is falling down on my shoulder and then I realize that if it wasn’t for you, everything would be just fine. When I feel ashamed of loving someone who might have never loved me back in the first place. When I feel a continuous on and off and on and off and on and off just like you did with me when we were together. When all I need to hear is your chest beating against mine and just by imagining it I feel in fully peace. When the only one I want to talk to, the only one I want to call, and hug and kiss and see, is you. Only you. Because I really wish you were here tonight, but how am I supposed to know if that’s all I really want, when you were never there for me in the first place?